A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. I am in a different state than him now in grad school. I went to see him last weekend and he complained about how broke he was the whole time (something that has been a peeve of mine the last 3 years) he is very selfish with his money.When I know we are planning to see each other or even just in case we do I save money aside to do dinner or something fun. He never does. He spent the whole week going to bars with friends and in return was a little low on cash when we did hang out. As a result as always I foot the bill for dinner when we went out and the zoo we went to.I left a day early because we weren't doing anything but sitting around his place and I was tired of our friends inviting us out and having to hear that he was too broke.The next morning after returning home I woke up to find he was tagged in a photo at a bar. I got very frustrated and texted him asking why he would waste our weekend together complaining when he clearly had the money all along. I also got mad that I never ask him to pay for me I usually always pay for both of us or myself, we could have gone out and I could have paid for myself. No offense to him but I did not drive 5 hours there to sit around his dirty apartment all weekend.He responded nasty stating that I am overreacting and it was my decision to leave and that I should "learn the facts before making assumptions" I did not respond because I did not want to continue a fight. I knew what I needed to know, that I was there for 2 days and he did not want to go out with me there but the day I left he did. Whether he drank or not he could have gone out while I was there too and given me an opportunity to see old friends as well.I am frustrated still. I reached out to him two days ago and asked how his day was going and he responded "fine. busy." I took that as a I don't want to talk to you do I didn't respond. Needless to say it's been 3 days now and we haven't spoke. Probably the longest we've ever gone without talking after a fight, usually a few hours or the next morning at the most.I had my first day back at classes yesterday and he didn't even bother to ask how they went. And yes he knew it was my first day back. I am angry and hurt. I want to say I'm done with the relationship in a way but my heart is so torn I just don't feel respected anymore. I know this isn't going to tell me what to do but I really need advice. Do I give up and move on or wait for him to text me and act like I am fine? Something I feel I have done maybe too many times before.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 September 2016):
 It's been three days no contact. Maybe he's done? If and when you two do talk, you need to tell him, very calmly (key word being calmly), how you feel. Express to him that you feel he doesn't make you a priority. Explain how you save up to go see him and you feel a bit frustrated and used he never does the same. Maybe he doesn't really know or fully understand why you got angry. He needs to have a chance to hear your issue so he has a chance to fix it. Assuming someone is a mind reader is always a sure fire way to have a failing relationahip. It may seem obvious and common sense to you, but he may not get it til you tell him.
If you've already communicated all of this to him, and he persists, it may be that time for a break up. Or at least a break. Your concerns are quite valid.
However, I do have a bit of confusion as to why chilling around his place is a bad thing. Sounds like you went and had dinner and then went to the zoo. Seems like a nice weekend. A day to relax together, maybe watch a movie or something, sounds like fun. Seems you are not content with that at all. I get not wanting to do that all the time, but a night here and there shouldn't be a big deal.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 September 2016):
 It sounds to me like he is just not interested in this relationship anymore. Has it crossed your mind that maybe he wants a way out so he is treating you badly so that you will end it? I am all for two people paying equally but when it is always you doing the paying and them him going on nights out without you it shows where his priorities lie. Sweetie I think you deserve better, and I think you know that deep down as well. Off course it is difficult as you have been together so long, but sometimes relationships just run there course. I think it is time to move on, you are still only young. You should be enjoying your life and not wasting it on someone who does not seem to care as much about you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (8 September 2016):
 I think you need to have a little ponder over whether this relationship is worth it. Your boyfriend sounds very selfish and a little childish in his actions.
You make an effort to save your money for activities whereas he's focused on going out drinking and wasting his money or maybe just lying that he doesn't have any to spend on you two. You've called him out on it and he gave a crappy reply as if he's downplaying it.
From the sound of things I don't think he will change his ways. If he was to change I think he would of acknowledged your claim and tried to make amendments, but he's not done that and clearly doesn't see an error in his ways.
It doesn't sound like you're fine, so why would you act like you are? You've laid your cards down and shown your feelings but he's not done anything to try and fix your hurting.
It may be time to lay down an ultimatum to give him a chance to amend things and then if no progress is made then you can end things and move on.
Good luck
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