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female
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anonymous
writes: i'm humilated but here goes. was in a relationship with someone including a brief marriage for 5-6 years, we divorced i have not seen him in 25 years. now i feel i must talk to him. called once ask to see him to clear the air, he said he had a girlfriend and could she come. i told him i didn't want to humiliate myself in front of someone i don't know. called a year later he is now married to her said he would try to call me in a few days but doesn't want her to think there is anything nefarious going on. i realize i'm probably living a fantasy in my head, but i sort of felt that he wanted to talk to me. he said he would call in a few days. just tell me how crazy i really am to try and see him. thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the wisdom. i guess i sort of expected to get slammed for even thinking about, you were able to pass along a thoughtful answer without making me feel stupid.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006): Why, after 25 years, do you want to talk to him now? I too, wonder if a recent relationship may have gone wrong for you.
What is it you want to say to him? If its to go over the reasons for your divorce, or if you have developed some feelings for him now, it would be highly embarrassing and completely inapppropriate to meet, either alone or with his wife.
He is doing the right thing by requesting to bring her along, but even so, the chances of her feeling very uneasy about the whole thing are pretty good. It would be normal to wonder why in the heck someone from your past wanted to get back in touch.
I get the impression - when you ask how crazy you are to try to see him - that there's some strong feelings you're experiencing? At any rate, more than meets the eye.
Unfortunately, it does not sound to me as if he is all that interested in meeting you again. A year ago he told you he was dating and asked if he could bring her along. Apparently no meeting took place, and you called him a year later only to find he has married her.
It probably would be for the best to just accept that the option to meet is closed and he has moved on. If you had business to finish with him, well, the time to do it was years ago, and the opportunity no longer exists.
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A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (2 August 2006):
 Oooooh, this smacks of unfinished business!
Why not call to meet up again, and say he can bring his wife along as well. He might feel uncomfortable otherwise. You'll get a feel for things whether she's there or not. And if you really think you might say something which might be humiliating, as you say, then maybe having her there will deter you - which I think in the first meeting in 25 years is probably a good thing.
If after the first meeting things go OK, he might meet you 1:1 and then you can discuss this unfinished stuff.
Just a warning though, people change loads in 5 years, let alone 25 years. You might find he's not the person you remember or that this unfinished stuff isn't relevent any more.
And another gentle nudge - are you looking back on this relationship to compensate for something that's happened in a recent relationship?
Good Luck :)
Anon2907
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