A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is love not in the cards for me? I have tried online dating and after a couple of dates I realized the men in the sites aren't exactly the type of men that I want. I admit I have taken a year and a half to work on myself after a string of two bad relarionships(me being a dormant to abusive men) to be quite frank- I don't know what to do anymore - I have had men reach out to me and compliment me at bars but their drunk or younger - I'm almost 32 and I feel anxious about this! I work over 70+ hours a week to take care of my debt and on my spare time I try to sleep and do my chores - I feel so lonely sometimes and defeated. At work everyone is married and some of them compliment me but their married - my friends are non existent because they got married and hang out with married people - I don't know what else to do - I feel like I have tried everything and although I am calm when I am single I am so afraid I won't find someoneI am not picky either - I have low self esteem so sometimes men that give me the slightest attention catch my attentionMy therapist says that I shouldn't date I should stay put and it will find me- since according to her I wasn't successful in hunting and going crazy over guys in the last 7 years Please let me know if anyone has been through this? I feel defeated Please advise - I am trying to work on being a stronger woman internally and not being this ideal good looking - perfect body this or that girl I was in my twenties
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (11 October 2017):
Hi OP,
Well you have not dated every man in the world to say you have no luck. Plus if you give up on love, how are you going to find it?
You are most likely looking in the wrong place for that special someone.
Here is site that would benefit you more than online dating.
https://www.meetup.com/cities/us/
You meet up with groups of people with the same interest as you. Like hiking, swimming classes, cooking, and so on. Some men there are single, some are not. It is not a dating site. But it is a place where you can hang out with real people face to face, and do fun stuff. Plus...good chance that you and Mr. Right may have the same interest and start dating.
You feel defeated and you haven't even start living yet :)
As for you body and looks...most men are not after either one. We are normally attracted to women who knows how to make us want them. Who knows how to flirt, and get us to chase after them.
Trust me...we are not that complicated.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 October 2017):
 It isn't about your looks. Providing you are looking after yourself, which I'm sure you are, then it is more about meeting the right person in person. And to do that you have to be in the right place.
Personally I would give up on the on-line dating. It must be very hit or miss, and people can say anything on the interweb.
Join lots of clubs, Engage in numerous activities. Volunteer for different things. Put yourself out there and you will meet men who like you. And don't give up. Everyone has some false starts before they find the right person.
Don't rely on bars or clubs. They are for one night stands. Engage in wholesome activities and you will meet like people.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 October 2017):
 Find a new hobby. Go to cooking classes, reading groups, speed dating, wine tasting, etc. The more you look for love, the less likely it is to happen.
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