A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have to stay away from my abusive boyfriend. Why do I miss him? I hate him!! Why do I feel bad for him when I'm the one that got hurt? Has anyone been in this situation before....you know someone is no good for you but your sick twisted heart misses him? How do I get him outta my head?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone, i had to call the cops on him tonight....he tried to hurt me again. i truely learned a hard lesson this time. thanks for your advice
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): I've been where you're at-- I found it so frustrating. He was a real rotter, yet I still cared what he thought! But I did get over him completely.
Give it time-- your feelings for him *will* dissipate. Go out on dates with others, keep busy at work and with your friends. Under no condition have anything more to do with him-- keep him cut out of your life completely. Good luck! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): Oh honey!!
I so feel for you!
If only it was that simple. People tend to alway paint a picture of black and white but real life is not even close to thta. Actually your situation is undoubtedly one of the most complicated thinkable.
There is a reason why abusive relationships work... well actually a lot of them. It is all a pattern that includes both partners and goes way deeper than anything anyone who has not lived it could imagine.
There is not just a switch that you can hit and then he is out of your life just because you KNOW that he is not good for you.
That requires so much more work and MOST IMPORTANT your own will and true intention to let him go. As long as ypu are not sure that you are 100& ready to let him go then I fear despite all your effort and all the effort from people who love you it will all be in vain.
I would advise you to look for professional help as a top priority. This is something that is difficult id not impossible to solve entirely on your own.
In any case. Don't give up to easily just because you are afraid or feel tired, or out of hope.
If you need any further help don't hesitate to drop another note. We can always switch to PM's.
Good luck and I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): I can understand your feelings, I was married to an emotionally abusive man for 18 years. The first ten years of the marriage, i thought everything was my fault, because i was being blamed for everything that was wrong in our life. Then i began to see the truth, but although i loved him, I still hated the way he manipulated situations. I only truly see the extent of his manipulation now i'm apart from him. I'm finally seeing the wood for the trees, so to speak. We separated 5 years ago, I went through four years afterwards of feeling love/hate for him. I felt such incredible anger I can't describe because i had invested so many years with him and felt so angry that he didnt love me the way i should have been loved. It took me 4 years to meet someone else who seemed right for me and only then did i manage to bury the past, at least to some extent.I didn't think I would ever get over my abusive marriage, but now i don't want to see him, be with him or even talk to him anymore, only for our childrens sake do i speak to him when i need to. I'm much happier now and have much more confidence.Getting over someone you love who has been abusive towards you is a long hard road, but i promise you that if you keep looking forward, go out socialising as much a you can and start dating, this is going to get you there one day. The hardest part is letting go of the past and for me it was meeting my current boyfriend who helped me do that.Keep in mind what you want from life, such as a nice boyfriend who treats you well, good friends around you etc. and you will get there.good luck with every thing and i hope you get there soon x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): i have been on the recieving end of this. My current gf was involved with a physically abusive man. I have done everything i can to help her move on from him and the bruises have faded though since i have been with her she has cheated on me three times with him. Saying she misses him. Each time i have forgiven her the last time he left her black and blue.
She always makes excuses for him but what she is doing is wrecking our relationship.
Try going to a counciling they might be able to help you. The best thing i have been told is to be strong. Change your number and but him off completely. Only then can you get on with your life. Good luck.
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