A
female
age
30-35,
*GCMW
writes:Okay well, this is my first post on this site and I really need some advice as I have nowhere else to turn. I'm going to sound like a horrible person, and I guess I am on some level, but I can't stop. Here it goes.I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. We have a loving, committed relationship and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Well ... that's how it used to be. My cousin and her boyfriend have been together for three years and they're a year older than me. They love each other very much and they seem inseparable. I love my cousin very much as she's family and we're pretty close. Her boyfriend and I hit it off right away. We've also become close. It all started when I'd see him everyday at school two years ago. We'd talk everyday and he'd always joke around with me and we'd have that "innocent" flirtation happening. I didn't think twice about it as it was nothing. I'd see him at family gatherings and we'd always be friendly to each other. All was well. Around this time, last year, he added me to MSN and things haven't been the same since. We talked everyday. We share the same sense of humor, along with the same level of comfort when talking about sexual events. We talked about everything and became very close. He'd sneak random, insignificant "inappropriate" comments but I'd ignore them or laugh. We started going on web cam, playing truth or dare. Everything escalated so quickly and we were getting to know each other a little too well. I put a stop to it after I started feeling uncomfortable. We didn't speak for two months as I'd deleted him and avoided him. December came, and he added me with a new email. He'd tried to get in contact with me over the two months but I'd ignored him. Anyway, I figured he'd learned his lesson and that we could just talk like normal people so we started again. Needless to say, we're back where we were and it's worse. I keep seeing him over the holidays and it makes me realize how much I want him. I don't have "feelings" for him, I just want him for a night. He was at my house Christmas night with everyone and it was just us in the room and he whispered to me that I'd "aroused" with my own boyfriend standing just feet away. I'd be lying if I said that didn't turn me on. Since then, I can't get him out of my mind. We go on web cam every morning and night now and strip and say nasty, sexually explicit things to each other. I feel guilty but I can't stop. I just want him so bad. I've never wanted anyone else throughout my relationship with my boyfriend but I can't stop thinking about HIM. Even when I'm with my boyfriend ... ugh. I feel like the worst person in the world right now. I don't know what to do and it seems like every time I see him I want him more and more. I'm scared that the next time we're alone, we'll do something we both regret. I have strong willpower, but around him, I just melt. Please help me.
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female
reader, NGCMW +, writes (31 December 2008):
NGCMW is verified as being by the original poster of the question Okay so, I blocked and deleted the guy and then I went through a box of memorabilia from the past 2 years that depicts my relationship with my boyfriend and I've realized how foolish I was to even lust after this guy. I love my boy and I'm done flitting around. It's just not worth it. Thanks again to everyone who responded.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): if you loved your boyfriend you wouldnt be flirting with someone else to the extent of doing stuff on webcam, be honest with yourself if your boyfriend found out what you have ALREADY done he would probably dump you.
Sorry to be so blunt but cop on you clearly dont love your boyfriend your showing him absolutely no respect, so get out of the relationship and go after the other guy
or if you /love' your boyfriend then tell this other guy this all needs to stop its a shitty thing to do to both your boyfriend and your cousin.
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A
female
reader, NGCMW +, writes (30 December 2008):
NGCMW is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers so far. I'm not only claiming to love my boyfriend, I do love him. I know it's not worth it in the long run for anyone, but I still can't stop thinking about him. Maybe now that Christas is over, I won't see him again for a while and we won't be in contact with each other.
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A
female
reader, blawndie  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 This could seriously ruin your relationship. I think you should break up with your boyfriend or ignore this guy completely. Avoid him at every cost, unless your relationship isn't that important. Either that, or tell him that this has got to stop because you're feeling uncomfortable. If he doesn't stop, then avoid him, ignore him, do not allow him to tempt you.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, The Gentle Man  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 The joys of life.
In the end getting close would not only put you on bad terms with your cousin but also your bf that you claim to love.
Just distance yourself from him and tell him that it needs to stop and shun all his advances to make sure he gets the idea.
Everyone has thoughts of other people but it is wheather we act on them and decides the outcome.
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A
female
reader, prenezmoila +, writes (30 December 2008):
 Well, you have two options here. You can stop talking to him and put him out of your mind and continue your wonderful relationship with your boyfriend. Or, you can say screw your relationship and get down with this guy for one night. One night can easily ruin two years.
If you have sex with this guy, you will feel even worse about the situation than you already do. Not only that, you might begin to see him again and again, just for sex. Your boyfriend would eventually find out and everything would fall to pieces.
If you ignore these feelings, stop talking to the kid, and concentrate on feeling that aroused by your own boyfriend, you can continue a relationship which sounds like it's going well.
Another thing to think about is, if you are so physically interested by another man, is your relationship coming to the point of having run its course?
Most importantly, I think you need to take some time off from the world and think about how you truly feel about your boyfriend and this other guy. Things might not be as they seem on the surface. Best of luck to you.
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