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writes: My neighbor and best friend married a girl 22 years ago. A few months before the wedding I chanced across his fiance on the beach. We sat and talked for 4 hours. One of the topics was that she and he could never "talk". Over the years, whenever they've had problems, and they've had many, she could always come to me and talk. I was always attracted to her but kept my place out of respect for both of them. But the attraction grew and grew...and grew. Many times he's told me of his infidelities, even though I asked him not to, saying that since she was my friend also, I didn't want to know. We're in our 50's now. Last week, she and I by chance found each other alone and hung out (innocently) all weekend, on and off the beach, you guessed it, talking incessantly. I woke up the next day and realized that I was 100% head over heels, reaching for the shy, swinging for the bleachers - madly - in love with her. She's a very touchy kind of person, but when she touches me my knees grow weak, my mind falters and I feel like a 14 year old again...butterflies and all. Were both married. 5 kids between us...the youngest 14. I can't confront her, if there were to be a rejection it would kill me...it would kill me literally...I gave up on love many years ago, after the last time I got wacked. Even my wife never broke down the walls. I don't think any advice would help, I need a magic potion, a miracle...I can't stop crying for a minute...it's almost comical. Even worse, she has Eagles tickets and asked if I would be her "contingency" date if he cant make it. He doesn't like the Eagles, if I know him, he'll use it as an excuse to stray that night. Believe me, it will take an act of Congress - no - a devine intervention to keep me from kissing her if the Eagles do "Desperado" as I look into her eyes. I really don't want to die... I really don't want to die...
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best friend, fiance, kissing, shy, swinging, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Transcowboy  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 i'm probably going to sound like the bad person here but i dont care. GO FOR IT. if you have feelings for this woman, tell her, she might have the same feelings. Would you rather feel like this the rest of your life and wondering what could have been. Trust me you dont. I life that everday and its not fun. Take the Chance. If you get to go with her to the Eagles concert, do the little things put your arm around ur waist and hold her close, touch her soflty. See how she repsonds and go from there, your heart will tell you. Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Are you still married?
Does your wife have feelings? If so, you will probably hurt her terribly. Okay with that? If you're not okay with that, find out if you can get Eagles tickets for your spouse, too.
A major reason why you are in love with this woman is because you have been spending so much time talking with her. If she had spent that much time trying to communicate with her husband, perhaps she'd have a better marriage. And perhaps if you had spent that energy on your wife, maybe you'd be able to love her. You owe your spouse a visit to a marriage counselor before you begin to kiss other people... even a divorce would be kinder if you truly have no love remaining for her. Or else you'll be no better than your "best friend", whom you seem to despise for his infidelities.
You might be interested in the following article on how affairs begin:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html
Now, if you're unattached, it's a different story. I still don't think it's honorable to go behind your friend's back, even if he's a dog, but if you truly feel that her marriage is harmful to your friend's wife, you might as well lay your cards on the table and let her make her choice.
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