A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I turned 16 ten days ago, and that means I'm legal in my country (UK). I thought that when I was 16 I would not have a problem with having sex, as I did not have to worry about the law etc, but my girlfriend of 8 months and I tried having sex tonight, and failed. She is 17, so legal also... I could get my penis up at first, and tried to put it in her, but she was to tight, and when I tried again I suddenly got a mental blockage, and freaked out. I could no longer get it up, and I was bitterly disappointed. She was very understanding, as we have been together for a long time, and did not complain, but we were hoping it would be out first time tonight. I was very emberaced about the whole situation. My parents are out for the weekend, and she is coming back over tomorrow, and wants to try again. I felt I was ready, as I truly love her, and if I'm honest, I know its not likely to happen, but I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her. She is a truly amazing girl, and I never want to loose her. She was nervous too, and I was the one that was confident and could get it up to begin with, but when she became more confident and decided she wanted it in her for sure, I suddenly felt extremely nervous myself... She says she doesn't think any less of me. I am normally a very confident person, exspecially around my girlfriend, and I have no problems with erections in foreplay, just when It came down to it I panicked.My girlfriend knows I can normally get it up just fine, she enjoys seeing how little she can do to make me get 'Happy'. She thinks Its funny when she just strokes my leg or something, and It turns me on, haha.Both of us are virgins.To sum up;I'm Legal,She is Legal,We love each other,I want to loose my virginity to her,I don't want to loose her over this,She wants sex as much as me.Can anyone help me.. I do not want this to happen again, as this would make me feel incredibly bad, and would completely destroy my confidence all together.Thank you in advance for any advice.
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confidence, erection, foreplay, my penis Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 I’m sorry to hear you had a disappointing night. I imagine that you must be very frustrated. While I understand that you’re embarrassed, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. It happens to all guys and it’s very, very normal. A girl screaming out “I want your babies!!!” flattens the mood pretty quick for me. (“Did I say something wrong sweetie?” “No…nothing honey, nothing at all…”).
I’m sure you’re pretty comfortable with your body and it sounds like the two of you have aroused each other quite easily in the past; which is great. It sounds like you both care for each other and that the foreplay is easy. The gameplay can change dramatically when your quarterback moves up to the line for the play (he is wearing a helmet, right?). It’s ok to feel nervous (sounds like the starting whistle startled your QB) and understanding what’s going on can really help.
HOW AND WHY ERECTIONS HAPPEN
First, this has absolutely nothing to do with “you being a man” and your girlfriend “being hot or arousing” so let’s cast that aside and look at what’s happening.
There are two switches in the brain, on and off. When we flick the “on” switch, your heart races, adrenaline shoots through your body and you’re ready to take on anything.
This may surprise you but erections are controlled by the “off” switch (the Parasympathetic Nervous System). This is the same switch that slows down your heart rate and makes you vegetate on the couch while you digest your lunch. What the heck is the PNS doing in something as exciting as sex?!! Who cares? You just want to know what to do about it. It may seem weird until you start taking some physiology classes but the PeNiS is controlled by the PNS and it’s not getting up until its relaxed and ready. Staring down at it and trying to negotiate won’t help either.
You were confident before, things were great before, but now the curtains are drawn (hers) and your amigo is feeling a little stage fright in the new surroundings. It’s cool, it’s normal, it’s expected and it will pass. Some call this “performance anxiety” but really it’s much broader than that and it’s all about comfort and vulnerability. So that’s what happened last night and there are some specific things you can do to help.
SUGGESTIONS
Erections happen when blood flows into the spongy tissue of the shaft and get trapped there. You can encourage this blood flow by bending the base of the penis downwards in line with your thigh as you excite it so the blood flows into it more easily. Alternating and angling it down every once will help.
Don’t fixate on getting an erection. Turn your mind to exciting your girlfriend. That’s the best part anyway. It might be too soon to be mentioning this if it’s your first time but the focal point of sex isn’t about getting it hard and getting it in her. The focal point of sex is not your penis. The focal point of sex is her.
She is the center of your universe when you’re in bed together and if you give her every reason to believe that, she’ll be so out of it during foreplay that she’ll be jarred back to reality when your quarterback’s ready for the play.
Here’s another question from a girl who was trying to make her boyfriend feel comfortable (I wrote two replies): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-does-not-ejaculate-during-any-sexual.html
Hopefully this will help with your blues and ultimately your blue balls.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, has been a great help. I think I need to distract myself.
After we had given up on trying to get me up, we started talking about old times, when we met, our first kiss etc, and I found myself with an erection, but as soon as I noticed I had it, it went again. Very frustrating.
To the person that said - 'You very oviously won't loose her over it if you love each other as much as you say. You sound like the perfect couple'
That was extremely sweet of you, and I appreciate what you said. I really do love her, neither of us have ever experienced anything quite like it.
Any more advice would be great. Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (1 May 2009):
 I agree with the other posts, calm down and don't focus too much on it. Pressure can make you lose an erection. Just tell your girlfriend that whatever happens will happen, and you don't know if you can have sex yet. Then she won't be expecting it and you'll be able to maintain erection. X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): Hey there!
Stop worrying about it to start off! THAT is your problem. I don't think sex should be planned i think it should be spontaneous! Let the right moment hit you. You are putting pressure on yourself, even if you are unaware of it and that is what is making it go. Take longer to explore each other also. You very oviously won't loose her over it if you love each other as much as you say. You sound like the perfect couple. Don't rush things and enjoy it. You have all weekend like you say! so what if it doesn't happen the second time! It's quite natural for a guy to do that the first time round, a long with being quick to cum. It might well take you 5 or 6 times to get it right, but when you get there it'll be very special and you will have made that connection. Remember that the girls first time won't always be so pleasant either, even if she wants it. It can be painful, she may bleed and it would be rare for her to orgasm on her first go also. Take A LOT of time with foreplay before actually going in - for her sake more than your own.
Hope this helps! Don't stress! make it natural! Have FUN!
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A
female
reader, PrincessTee +, writes (1 May 2009):
Stop stressing first of all!!The reason you couldnt keep it up is because you were so nervous and you were over thinking things!
2moro wen your Gf comes over and things begin to progress take it slow, Have alot of foreplay and dont go straight to trying to have sex but do alot of kissing and touching so your both nice and relaxed.Try and not think too much and go with the flow, putting yourself under presure just makes it hard to relax and enjoy yourself!
It sounds to me like this girl loves you very much and she is NOT going to leave you just because your first few attempts dont go to plan straight away!
Believe me this happens to way more people than you think!It happened to me wen i was 15 and i ended up being with my boyfriend on off for 6 years after and it didnt make me think anything less of him!
Just relax and enjoy your time together and if it doesnt work this weekend then dont worry you will have plenty more nights to try again!!!
Good luck!
xxxx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (1 May 2009):
 You just have to relax, you got stage fright! Stop seeing sex as such a big deal. Once you have chilled out it will be much easier to maintain an erection.
Just make sure you use protection.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): yes relax....
you get hard at other times... so its not a meidcal condition.
its just first night stage fright....
take time and play first if it stays hard then great, shag. if not then don't - but don't stress over it. not your fault and practice will make perfect...
please see satins post;
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
Star.x.
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