A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't trust my friend's boyfriend at all. I always had this odd feeling about him and there have been a couple of red flags.They have been dating two months and she's NEVER been to his house. He says it's too messy. She offered him a cleaning from her company but he put her off.In the meantime he has been staying over here from 4-6 times per week.Also, he doesn't drive and says he doesn't like to because of something that happened in college. I looked him up on our city and state websites and he has traffic summons issued against him in four counties and the latest was last year.I talked to another friend about it and she suggested I run a background check on him through one of those search websites.Is this a good idea?If I find something, do I tell her?I don't want her to be lonely and brokenhearted but I don't want her hooked up with a liar.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the advice. I will go ahead with the background check and let her know if something bad comes up.
My friend has been burned badly before by exes and ex-friends. She's had her phones and checks stolen, had her house used as a drug stop, and bought things for people only for them to disappear on her. She is a very friendly, kind and trusting person who believes in giving everyone a chance. She is like my sister and she helped me a lot when I was down so I feel like I should look out for her when I can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): He may not be a safe person for her to be with. If he is hiding so much information about himself, then i wouldn't be surprised if he is dangerous. I don't believe this is somethign you should stay out of, especially if your gut is telling you something, as well as common sense. You don't want your friend to be sad, but in the long run, you want what's best for her. So do what you think is right. Keep her safe so that she has the oppurtunity to be happy later.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): In my opinion, for you to do a background check on this guy, would hurt your friend and possibly end your friendship. Suggesting to her to do one, is a better idea. If she choses not to, I think you should let her make her own mistakes, and stay out of it!
I know if any of my friends did that (even though I know they did it out of concern) I would be pissed-off! My friends would know better than to do anything like that behind my back.
This is just my opinion and people may disagree, and that's okay!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): I think in this day and age a background check is a good idea and you are trying to be a good friend. You might try suggesting to her that she should run a background check on him and say how well do you really know him, aren't you a little suspicious about his not driving at his age?
If you don't get any where, run the check and if it is pretty bad tell her.....I would, others may say differently.
At least that way she could make an educated choice if she wants to be with him or confront him about his lies.
Good Luck!
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