A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Husband is Slowy Killing MeI got married to who I believe is my soul mate 7 months ago, and I'm having a lot of doubts about it although it is to late to turn back now.I moved half way across the world, gave up my family and luxury life style, to be with him, who still lives with his parents and recently I found out he has £40000 of debt. I can still live with that because I love him so much. But recently he's become so lazy and edgy. When we make love all he does is climb on top of me pleasure himself and thats it. He doesn't like being affectionate in public anymore and when he comes home from work he's always glued in front of the tv or playing games on his phone. He dosen't exercise or socalise much with his old good mates anymore and i feel like he's losing them. Last week when i was so ill with the cold and was passing out, he didn't even take some time off to help. I clean and cook for him and his whole family, Ive really given everthing to fit in but no one seems to being doing anything to make me feel appreciated. He always tells me about flirting at work with other girls, which is normal for a laugh and a joke, but why does he need to tell me.I love him so much but I don't get much in return, Ive tried talking to him, but he just gets really angry at me. Ive started to hate myself and blame myself and feel really depressed, as i don't have family or friends close by. I know I wont leave him, but the way he is has started killing me inside. Living with his family doesn't help, we've got a tiny room and thats it. My dreams of having my own home is far down the track now. What do I do in this situation, I know I won't leave him, but the atmosphere in being with him isn't doing me any good.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): You're in a tough spot no doubt but I think I can help.
I'm not a professional and I don't follow my own advice very well either but I have a very good head on my shoulders and have always helped others handle these sorts of issues in the past with a little routine that i've picked up along the way from observing my surroundings & calculating them deeply.
It sounds like you're no challenge to him anymore. Men love a challenge and now that he has you whenever he wants and know's that you'll never leave him, he feel's overly comfortable and forgot that he has to work at this too. There's a simple fix for this situation and it requires some self control and acting.
First, Start to take of yourself better as you would if you were single again and out looking: Change your hair, Always wear your make up nicely, Dress in new and attractive clothing "not too exposing though, angering him is not the goal" be social and try to hang around with your friends more often "letting him feel a small amount of jealousy but again, not enough for it to become verbal" Try not to be clingy, and try to make him feel as if he has to make an effort for your attention instead of being too available and ready for him...
The basic concept is to give him a challenge again, and in turn you'll get more of the attention that you are desiring.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 I know exactly how you are feeling.
We lived with my in-laws for a year and a half. I thought we would never get away from there but my wife and her mother ended up having a falling out. Two weeks later we moved.
You never know what tomorrow will bring so hang in there and try to tolerate the situation for now.
Not living in your own place can make someone like your husband feel like a bum and not feel like doing anything and exibiting the kinds of behavior he is.
On the other hand you may need to stay alert to any opportunity to get you and he out of there and on your own. I think this will do lots for your relationship. Doc.
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