| A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I have been struggling with great confusion and I don't know where to turn for help. So I decided to try it here.I have no sexual desire and my wife has been struggling with me for years. Really, she is very patient with me, but now she has less and less energy, to keep her cool. We can go on for weeks, with no sexual thoughts. I went to doctors, they didn't find anything very abnormal in my health .The psychologist also feels, it's kind of a hard to figure out problem. Now, I don't know what to think, and I have two questions?1, Is it possible, that I don't know my own feelings toward my wife, as I think , I do love her.2, How common is this problem, as I'm just in my forties, and I don't know anybody who is having the same problem.Please let me know,if you have any suggestions. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Dear Poster
Don't feel alone, there are lots of couples suffering with the same problem and not just couples that have simply lost their appetite for sex as they have grown older, but also young couples. Any discussion of a loss of sex drive is difficult and it can be tricky. Our libido is influenced by the levels of the circulating male hormone testosterone. Who do you compare yourself with and what is normal? Fixed ideas about what the "norms' are for intercourse frequency, time to orgasm etc are not only misleading but dangerous, as normal for any given couple is what is normal and acceptable to them. SO you think you have lost your interest in sex; then it is important to start with the question" what in fact has been lost?" Sometimes, a person who wants sex less often with a partner may simply be enjoying it less with that particular person; perhaps sex has become boring or uninteresting; perhaps they have fallen out of love; they may be masturbating more then usual because the relationship is just not working well. Genital sex is normally the bystander that gets knocked down once the relationship runs out of control or experience problems. So before you decide what is the cause of the lack of sex drive; it might be good to look and see if you identify with any of the main reasons. Should you identify with any you will know where and what to pay attention to and then you can start working on what can be done to enhance your lack of libido.
Medical reasons:
Drugs,such as: Sleeping tablets; Steroids in high doses; some anti-high blood pressure pills; some duiretics; some angina drugs; Depression; Rheumatoid or osteoarthritis; chronic anaemia; some cancers; chronic backache; kidney failure; and many others can reduce a person sex drive. The drugs that such people take can add to their problems as many of the drugs can actually produce chemically induced lack of libido. Physical and mental exhaustion: Lack of sleep; prolonged heavy work; inner unconscious anxieties and conflicts;
Psychological reasons: Stress; life crisis such as bereavement; bad experience; Inhibitions; guilt, about something that was done such as extramarital affair;
Relationship causes: Falling out of love; Affairs
I suggest that you will benefit from counseling and sex therapy; however, you could also try some do-it- yourself therapy before going to a professional.
1. Stop having sex.
Give intercourse a complete rest. No pressure around it.
2. Restore your sex drive..
Make your lives more erotic; read erotic books; watch sexy videos; share your sexual fantasies with each other; massage each other; go on romantic outings/holiday
3. Increase masturbation. (Jointly and mutual)
4. Start courting your partner again.
5. Get to know your genitals again. Make use of sex aids and toys to please each other genitally(no intercourse).
6. After about 4 weeks; start with foreplay and then at about 6 weeks proceed with intercourse.
If you have tried the above and it did not help; I am afraid then you have no alternative but COUNSELING and SEX THERAPHY.
Best wishes; hope this can be of assistance to you. Keep us posted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Instead of trying to figure out the reasons why, how about doing something different in your marriage? Maybe your thinking too much instead of doing?There are a lot of good books out there for ideas to spice up a marriage. (christian book store preferably)Do you like her to massage your shoulders/back? Tell her what makes you feel good. Do you have any unresolved issues between you? If so, maybe you should lay it all on the table for discussion... honesty can bring back passion too.
...............................
|
