A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:Please help me Ive met a Guy and ive fallen for him big style .I cannot get him out of my head i sleep thinking of him and wake thinking of him .Im currently seperated from my husband after 23 years of marriage .This guy looks at me a lot ,Is very polite ,and i really believe the feeling is mutual .Ive no idea without being too forward how to flirt or approach him as my seperation has bascally left my confidence at an all time low .Please help me and any suggestions will be greatly appreciated .
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering ,Your so kind thank you .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Are you sure you really like him or is he a confidence boost after being with the same man for 23 years?? He's polite and looks at you a lot?! That doesn't sound like mad passion - rather surprise that someone finds you attractive. They will be loads of men who find you attractive and as you become more comfortable in yourself you will naturally flirt.
Take time to find out who you are before jumping into a relationship. If things are meant to develop - they will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): hi, as somebody who starts shaking and going scarlet at the thought of being near the object of my desire, i know where you are coming from. when i try and speak to them, no sound comes out! Yet, in my 26 years i have somehow managed to ask 3 people out- but i didn't do it face to face!
i don't know how well you know this man, but i always recommend a bit of stalking/digging! without exception i have always managed to somehow find out basic things about the object of my desire- interests, where they hang out, etc. If its somebody you work with, everybody has some semblance of routine at work, going into the kitchen, break room at certain times- you could always make yourself available and meet him with a smile or a small comment. i don't know if this guy is on facebook/myspace/email/msn, but thats a great place to start if you're lacking in confidence to ask somebody out face to face, once you start talking that's 90% of it. if you need a number or email, try and think of some excuse, like you want to fwd something or a funny picture, in retrospect, people have done that to me, but i didnt notice at the time.
essentially, for me i would try and get some kind of contact going, ideally through text, so you dont have to face him, and you can plan your answers, and perhaps figure out how to drop in something like " i really wanted to go and see this film, but nobody would go with me!" or " i was interested in this, but i doubt anybody else would be interested" if he wants a bone, he'll take this from you- people who have fancied me have accompanied me to all sorts of strange anorak places- just as i have seized upon any opportunity to see that country music gig,( i hate country!) or go and see some exhibition of an artist i've never heard of! if you can't do anything or say anything, make sure you're always available- i.e alone, just casually doing something to give you the opportunity to chat. i'm not going to say "just get some confidence and ask him" because it doesn't work like that, i know. but if you can't do that, there's more than one way to skin a cat, without putting yourself on the line.
and worst case scenario- if you do ask him outright, he says no, then i know it will feel awful at the time, but you will be able to look back and cringe and have a good chuckle. a friend of mine asked out a guy who turned around and told her he was gay and had a bf- humiliating at the time, but 6 months later she can laugh about it- if it DOES go well, then you stand to gain so much more than a bit of humiliation. good luck, you can do it, just be canny!
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