A
male
age
30-35,
*ousaf
writes:I have been in love with a girl for 3 years now.It was clear blind love. I didnt even know of she was actually, until when i passed my 11th grade and i saw her picture in the top achiever list of O-level( cambridge system), the moment i saw her face..I was completely mesmerised by her.I told my mom about it but she said that she isnt pretty but she did it intentionaly so that i dont get hooked at her.I didnt listen to her and kept fantasizing of how to talk to her. She was my teacher's daughter, so at first i tried to in her good looks. I am a decent boy and i m quiet famous amongst my teachers but i wanted to be extra special to her, so i used to send her messages. Time flew and i entered my A level stream, and thats where i saw her in person, and oh i was mesmerised.I used to watch her from distance, used to give her short glances, started bodybuilding to improve my physique(i was pretty skinny), then if she was walking from one direction i used to walk in the opposite diection to see her. Before leaving my college, i made sure that i can see her for one more time, if i couldnt, i felt quiet sad..Days passed into months, and we still didnt talk. Then i got into a spiralling whirl wind. She wasnt responding to me, and my mother didnt like to share things about girls with me. Then i began to gather her history, she has a younger brother who used to abuse me, a father who died long time ago.Then i noticed that she had only 2 fast friends, and she used to remain very quiet, in class she would seldom ask questions frm teachers and she had absolutely no contact with boys...she actually avoided them.She only befriended those girls of her choice and used to talk very little.I never literally heard her voice in college. First i tried to befriend her 2 fast friends, but it all went in vain.Then she was a business student and i was a pre- engineering student, i had made up my mind that i would choose some business subject so that i can have some talk to her on some mutual subject, but later i dropped the idea. Then my biggest mistake that i commited, i met my very old neighbour who had also joined my college and he pressurized me and sweared to God that he wont tell any 1, so i told her of the girl i had a crush on...That was the biggest mistake of my life, her 2 friends avoided me and she literally hated me, she never used to let her eyes meet me. Then i noticed her mother(my teacher) started to ignore my messages and calls, i tried to confront the problem and went to my madam, but she humiliated me so bad(she got so mad, but didnt literally said that it was because of her daughter), then i became really tense...People started to tease me regarding her, and then i went into a hiding staying away from her...but inside i wanted her to be my friend..i started to confide about her to my closest friens of whom i could trust.During parties held at college, i used to put on my best clothes, cologne but still she resented me. But i still liked her so bad, her hair, her face and her smile(which she rarely did)..Then i started to get hopeless and started to pray fervently to God to help me, but no help came. Then i started to ask from a person who claimed to be a mind reader, he said that she had a black aura and she would never be good for me, but i couldnt accept that.I kept on trying.Then i thought the time had come to ignore her and start building my physique...but time passed and she never noticed me..Then i started tactics of making myself more noticeable like laughing too much when she passed, playing games with my pals..but still nothing, then i thought it was best to impress her with my grades because if i get good grades, she would change her mind regarding me.Then some of my female friends said that she is so full of attitude and i deserve better, but i always used to blame her attitude on her early father death...Then my crush feeling stopped for her..She use to pass infront of me, and i didnt buff out my chest like i used to...I started loving my life again and began to enjoy my friend's company.then in the previous year, i got to know her younger brother limbs got paralysed..i wanted to visit her purely for humane reasons and yes i admit i wanted to show that i am here during her difficult times..but i didnt go because my mom said that relations have already become strained..i still regret this decison of mine..His brother is now permanently paralyesed.then came time for university admissions, and i applied for both engineering and business unis..(take note: i didnt know of where she was applying, heck she was out my mind)..then during 1st day of uni..she was there, literally there infront of my face..Oh how i used to crave for her attention during my college years..Oh i forgot to tell you...i did talk to her during my 2 years of college and it was only done thrice..=1, on 3rd march 2010, she was in library, and i came in and i dont know what happened to me..I went to the library and picked a book for issuance. I asked sir for issuance, but sir had no pen..then i immediately turned to her and asked for it..She immedialely denied to give saying she was busy(in a very cold manner), then after i insisted , she just banged the pen on the table, but i didnt mind because finally my wish had come true and i successfully talked to her, take note, i could have asked my male pals in library but instincts asked me to turn to her.2.Then during farewell,when she was about to leave i asked her for how her brother..she literally froze there, slowly turned towards me and said in a very low tone, he is ok and is in the party in a wheel chair..3.the last time i talked to her was when we were going to give our final papers of A levels..and she forgotton or broke her calculator and no 1 in the school had an extra..but luckily i had one, and i gave it to her.if i had not been there, she would have to repeat a year because of her mistake..She did say thanku in a very low tone, and just walked off...Then in university, i tried to add her on facebook because at that time she made it..But she never responded to my request.Then one day my friend had a headache, my sir asked from class that does any one have pain killer tablets..She raised her hand and started to search her bag, then i faked headache for myself too..and said thanku to her for tablets and i did call her name...but she never listened to me and didnt even see me.Then reality struck me, one day i took her file away from the university admistration office just to get her number and email.It was my dream to get her number, i had asked every 1 for her number , but no body had hers because she didnt befriend any 1 easily..Then one nite, i messgaed her decieving her that i m not me but some other classfellow.she literally had loads of talk with me, for hours she talked and chatted on mobile..about studies, exams e.t.c..Then i thought if she can talk calmy with a boy without freaking out,then i should give it a try and message her..I gave her a message about studies.Then she asked me of who i was, when i told her of who i really was, she became so mad...she told me not to message her again..i was so shocked but i also gave her a hate reply that i dont need her number, she is a virus in my mobile ..E.t.c(by the way i still have her number in my phone)...The point i want to emphasise to you is that she didnt even had an iota of friendhip with the boy of who i had faked, and after she talked to that fake boy(that gave me the encouragement to speak to her,but...)In university, she has only 1 or 2 fast friends..she doesnt make friends easily as she admitted herself that she cant make new uni friends in 8 months as she has issue of trusting people toooo quickly...she attends birthday parties and welcome parties..but still she remains alone and i am very social..and as a resut i am achieving top grades and she is praying that some how God save her to pass her..Sometimes when she fails, i feel excited that i beat her but sometime i feel sorry for her due to her father and brother issue...I love her very much, please help me..
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crush, facebook, my teacher, neighbour, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yousaf +, writes (13 June 2012):
Yousaf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh sir, thank you so much for your kind words and your genuine concern to help me out of this dilemma..I guess you have truely understood my predicament because you belong to my kind of traditional famlily type of culture.I am guessing you live in India or Pakistan.
But sir, I cant thank you enough. You took the time my extremely long essay, i knew there wont be many replies but i wanted to open and present the whole situation.Thanku so much, and I assure you, I will take care of myself and my family, and if i do ever get lucky with the girl, I would be the 1st one to tell you, although how long more it takes and will I be able to hear from you again..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): Dear Yousaf,Your feelings are understandable. Ok, since your family already knows of your feelings, and have presumably not discouraged you in any major way from pursuing the girl (apart from probably dissuading you a few times), I guess you could send her family a formal proposal by visiting them along with your Parents after you complete your Bachelors and settle down in a decent job. That will give you confidence and boost your credibility with the girl's family as well. If the girl still refuses, let it go. Don't feel bad. Respect her views. Thank God, and move on. If she accepts your proposal willingly, well, then your wish would come true, so don't you complain regarding anything she does after you both get married and make rowdy little bacche! :) Treat her well, let her live as she wishes to. That's almost all that any woman wants. To be given freedom and be there when she needs you.I wanted to say a few additional words for you - no specific reason, just felt like saying. Always remember, do good, never let hate near you, never let anger or naivety cloud your judgement. As you grow older, life gets more complex if you don't protect yourself. So always look out for yourself first. Then think about your immediate family, who love you and care for you, before you make any decision. If for any reason you feel sad in life, your family will feel sad the most, that's why it's important to safeguard your happiness. People who can't hurt you after their best attempts will accuse you of being selfish. Let them cry. Don't let anyone lead you astray with false accusations or false words of praise. In life, we seldom know what true happiness is, and getting that is not in our hands really, it is in God's hands. So always, never forget Him. Let the rest of the world say whatever, you know best in your heart what is good and worthy of following. In the end, whatever happens, always is for good.All the best! :) Wishing you a very very happy life and a progressive future!
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A
male
reader, Yousaf +, writes (12 June 2012):
Yousaf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSir thankyou so much for your help but the thing is, i was never able to get her attention..and send of all, i knw i tried to leave her many times and tried for other girls but some how, some where, i didnt get the same feelings with them and they were also not attracted to me..I tried several girls, but they were just small infatuations that just lasted for few weeks, and eventually i was interested in no one.. I am planning to send a proposal to her after i complete my Bachelors in business administration but i knw i have very less chance, but what there is to lose..I just cant stop thinking about her..And regarding my studies and parents...Sir i thanku 4r u showed that u cared that i do not deviate from studies and my parents, i assure i am a family type of guys and love my parents and i m getting good grades in my uni..Please can you help me in some other way beside telling me to leave her,i tried that honestly but to no avail...My whole family knows about my 1 sided love, and my brother who is 3 years younger than me supports me
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012): Hi,You're the typical "nice guy". With a few eccentricities and a little stupidity of course. You probably are a bit traditional also, so that makes you take the chivalrous approach in love - something that works only in movies. The unfortunate reality, which you must brace up for - is that women never like a straightforward man. They only like men who are devious but not so devious that they will cheat them out. It's only after they get married, and get abused verbally or physically do they realize how wrong they were and then they regret that they didn't marry a straight forward man who had no "zing" or charisma.You won't understand all these when your hormones are pumping and the Bollywood style romance shapes your idealistic thinking. Mian, get the hell out of that illusion. Listen to your female friends - they know women better than you.What do you want to achieve? That woman's attention, that's it? You already have it. She never wanted you though. So just move on. You'll see a lot of level headed good girls as you grow up. Put your hand out for someone who loves you and you can love too. Your crush won't stay longer.. already it has run its course. 3 years is a long time, don't waste any time any more. Focus on your studies, and your family. Don't sympathize with her situation because some things are fate, that's that. You can't wreck your life focussing too much on someone else's. All the best. And always remember, girls are masters of drama. If you give them the chance, they will pull down.
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