A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello. My Father passed away on the 10th June 2021. We had our ups and downs like any child parent relationship. My father was not Thee Best out There but he was still a great provider and did his best to give us what he had. My mother who is a negative ass has been reminding me that my father is dead. We have not yet buried my dad but whatever I'm asking for I'm to be reminded he is gone she is left alone (as usual). Even when my dad was alive she would say that She Was Alone, Almost like she Manifests Negativity and BadLuck For All. I'm sorry to say this but my mother is a Bitch. Now I'm still schooling looking forward to completing law school she has been Bitching about how I won't complete school and how I will fail even when my father was alive. My father was the one who was motivating me to go for it and do whatever that makes me happy. Now I feel alone with this Bitch. I have two siblings, Brothers older and younger. I'm the only girl at home. I feel like I don't have a future since she is the one in charge of my law schooling without advice of my dad I'm doomed. She feels she can do whatever she likes now. She finally got the Full control she wanted. I feel suicidal sometimes after talking to her. She will be so mean like reminding you of the times you had a bad moment with your father imagine we haven't buried the man yet. Please help me. I don't feel like I have a future now. I feel like my life is over. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2021): You are aged 22-26. Let me tell you something my sweet. My mother was far worse than yours, I had to find a way to leave home and make my own way in the World - with no support from anyone at all at the age of 15. I had no education, I had to leave school. But I made sure that by the time I was 30 I had made a good career and business for myself - enough to be able to retire at the age of 30. Never once did I use the excuse that I needed mummy or daddy or some other person to do things for me or provide for me and bleat about doing it alone. Grow a back bone and stand on your own two feet, you are an adult now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2021): P.S.
I'd like to also remind you that once you're practicing law; your clients and judges won't always be sweetcakes and gingerbread. They will be sharp-witted, aggressive, and worse than your own mother ever was.
As an adult, sometimes the only support you'll get comes from the good Lord; and pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. God will make a way, when there is no-way! Get on your knees, and pray for a little help with your grief, your mom, law school, and His support. He gives it in generous supply!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2021): My most sincere condolences to you and your family.
Okay, here we go with the mother vs daughter debacle. Your mother is supposedly this overbearing card-carrying witch; and you both can't get along, much less breathe the same air. Well, if you're financially-dependent on your parents; these are the cards you're dealt. Now you'll have to apply for student-aid, scholarships, and grants...oh, and get a job! If you don't happen to have one!
Take a moment and deal with your loss and grief. Retreat to a quiet place, stay in a neutral-zone, and avoid each-other. Be civil, no matter how she behaves. Given no emotional-reaction; that neutralizes or diffuses her attempts to rile you up! If you're nervy enough to smart-mouth your overbearing-mother in her own house; you'll figure-out how to complete law school. If you've never reported child-abuse, or weren't taken from your parents for negligence and abuse; I think you're a lucky woman! I don't expect you to give your mother any credit, she's the enemy. For some reason, your dad never left her.
I don't know what it is; but somehow grief brings out as much hostility in people as it does sorrow! Emotions run high and raw. Almost anything can come to mind, and exit your mouth!
You two have to separate from each-other; and honor your father's memory. Let her say whatever she wants. Let her vent her anguish and grief. It's her husband, and the father of her children. They had a different relationship; that gives them different privileges in the way they interact, or disagree. If he didn't divorce her, he must have felt he was able to handle her caustic-personality. Your opinion about their marriage is irrelevant. You can express it; but you can't do a thing about it! You and your mother can't stand each-other. She now has all his assets and property. Now what?
I read your post, from beginning to end. You don't strike me as a softie, and your choice of words to describe your own mother isn't the kind of language used by those prissy-types taking selfies in Hello Kitty ears! You're as thick-skinned and brazen as she is! You're probably more alike than you'd either want to admit!
You're in her house. She pulls the purse-strings, and now she has the upper-hand. When the adversary has the upper-hand, you either learn to compromise; or you have to draw a truce. The only other option is surrender. If there is no middle-ground, the person who owns the ground you stand-on gets to stay; and your option is to leave, or make a reasonable attempt at using some diplomacy. You've probably gone too far in proving to her how much you can't stand her; now that's all coming home to roost! She's still your mother, and some things coming at you, you should duck! You don't volley back! Now this predicament is where you find yourself when you've frequently spiked the ball! She's still the mother!
You're not a child, and don't pretend you can't take her barbs; if you're going to law school. I lived in domestic-partnership with a successful trial lawyer over 20 years; and I know their tongues have two sharp edges! You can't be anybody's lawyer, and not be able to take a verbal-thrashing! Your mother will be good practice, and a great sparring-partner; while you prepare for the future. When the time comes to face-off with tougher legal-sharks and man-eaters; who will spare you no mercy in a courtroom!
If you two never hit it off, you have little choice now; but to figure-out how to get along. Without getting your sassy little bum catapulted to the street; and managing to wag a civil-tongue in each-other's presence. Your dad is no longer here to be the buffer between you two butting-buffaloes; so now it's left-up to both of you to try to work it out in his memory. Otherwise, you'll have to find another means of student-financing; and another roof over your head.
If you are really committed to becoming a lawyer, nobody's going to get in your way! That includes your mother! If she won't allow your future to happen, you're a big-girl now. I guess it's left-up to you to have the will, and to find the way!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2021): Hi
Sorry that you have lost your Father and I understand what you must feel like at this present moment in time. Remember all your emotions will be heightened and heavy because of bereavement. I don't know your beliefs but i know mine, I believe without doubt that my father is still guiding me through life and I will always chat with him because i believe he hears me. I lost my father during the pandemic first lockdown, very hard.
Your life is in your hands and you just need to believe this, no need for arguments as you will waste energy that can be utilised to help you progress.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2021): Move out!!The great thing about being a adult is that you can cut toxic people out of your life.Family does not mean crap if they abuse you.A lot of people feel a great relief when the toxic person is gone forever.You do not have to put up with abuse.Free yourself today!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2021): Are you supposedly a young woman or a child? Do you not live with your mother with her providing for you - so stop bad mouthing her and be grateful, there are far worse mums out there and you are very lucky that she takes care of you at all. Now it is time to act your act, get a part time job and earn money and fend for yourself, instead of expecting other people to do it all for you. I promise you that if you continue with your education and get any qualifications they will be useless to you if you are still a little girl wanting others to take care of you, totally useless to clients who would be wanting to pay someone more knowledgeable, mature, capable and responsible for advice and help.
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