A
female
age
41-50,
*ictoriasSecrets
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. I thought that I loved him. He is such a nice guy and he is really good to me, he helps with everything and I rarely have to complain about anything really. I have recently found out that he has been on heroin the whole time, but he doesnt look as if he is a user, he isnt scrawney or pale, he doesnt look like a drug addict. I do not know what to do, I cannot sleep with him anymore bcus the thought of it makes me me feel ill,this is also taking its toll on the relationship. I am just so frightened to touch him bcus of his habit, I am also starting to notice little things which I didnt before, like his daily visits to the bathroom to have his hit, and how he talks to himself afterwards, it makes my skin crawl. Just the thought of what he does makes me feel sick, I try to ignore it but I cant. Do I try to save this relationship by giving him an ultimatum? or do I just get rid of him? he is such a lovely person and it will be so hard to find someone like him again, I am torn between doing the right thing thatI know deep down inside me my instincts are telling me to get shot of him, because he is more trouble than he is worth, but then another part of me is saying how much of a nice guy he is, and that he cant be that much of an addict because I didnt even know about it for 12 months. I just dont know what to think, or do what do you guys think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): im actually going through the same exact thing. However, my boyfriend did come clean to me. He is in rehab for 30 days and previously did a 7 day detox program. I dont think your boyfriend will quit until he is ready. It cant be because you want him to, it has to be because he wants to, other wise it wont work. My boyfriend previously has tryed to quit 3 different times because of his parents, it hasnt worked. I hope to God this works. AA meetings are the only proven method that actually helps. If he gets on Methadone to help his addiction, he'll only get addicted to the Methodone, and when he trys to quit that he'll most likely start using again. I think that if he's ready to quit, he should go to a detox program, and a rehab after that, and not to get on any meds. If he does, than you should try and stick by his side. If not, than you know what to do.
My heart goes out to you.
this situation sucks. i know.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (9 January 2007):
 I wish I could believe that there is a miracle product out of there that would help anyone quit . watch for the lapses! Sorry to say but if he was injecting, it is 100 times harder to give up than smoking it. Be careful that he is not hiding it from you.
He will need to detox his blood, there are private clinics that do this over an intensive week program but is expensive. They flush the blood out of the system, and reinject fresh blood. Sorry if not an option available.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): well he's obviously not that nice of a guy if he lied to you for a year straight. that's just not something you don't tell someone you're in a serious relationship with. if i were you, i'd end it because this man sounds like trouble to me. easier said than done, of course. but it'd be one thing if he came clean to you about it and didn't sneak to the bathroom while you were waiting in the other room for him, completely unsuspecting. next order of business, has he had an HIV test recently? because one way of shooting heroin is obviously through needles. and we all know the dangers of using unclean needles. so have him get tested. good luck with whatever you choose do to.
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A
female
reader, VictoriasSecrets +, writes (9 December 2006):
VictoriasSecrets is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have spoken to him about it and he say sthat he has been on it for years. He is not smoking it anymore, he is injecting it, and he has 10 pounds worth every day, but he splits it up into 3 shots, one in morning, one in the afternoon and one at night. He says that he does not even fo it anymore for the buzz, because the buzz has long gone, he does it now because he is ill if he dont. He may have needle fixation, a few weeks ago I bought subbytex from off of the street, not a wise move, but I was sure that they would help, and be a lot better for him than methadone, but after the first day he quit, I am not too sure if he was blagging me or not, but he claimed that they did nothing, he felt as if he was clucking still, and so he went and had a hit.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (9 December 2006):
Heroin addicts do not show signs for years. My friend had been hooked for 10 years before I found out.
Heroin is not easy to give up by giving ultimatum, it is not like smoking.
First of all, it depends how often, how much he takes, assuming early stages without needle, he just smokes. Either way he will need as much support as possible, go to councelling and see a doctor for alternative recovery medicine. If your boyfriend doesnt think he has a problem, he may be in denial and think he can control it. He cannot, this addiction gets worse.
You need to decide is you want to stick by him providing he is willing to get help now or move on. Either way is not going to be easy for both of you.
Very small percentage gives up this drug to lead a normal life, it is posssible with a lot of determination, support and his will power.
I have lost 2 close friends because of this drug, unfortuntely they were not strong enough to stick to treatment.
Find out about councelling sessions for both of you to help with deal with this situation. Research as much as possible before talking to him.
Hope everything goes ok and my heart goes out to you.
Lots of hugs xxx
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (9 December 2006):
 Hi VictoriasSecret,
i want you to know that heroin is considered a very hard drug. You bf needs help and severe treatment. You shouldnt put up with him at all or be with him until he gets treated and stops this totally. i am really surprised u are. His health is in severe danger and if u really care u showed make him realise this and he should go for treatment. From you if u really love him all he might need is support for treatment and if he isnt willing to go for treatement then take heed and leave him.
what he has is not a minor drug issue and the following will help enlighten u abit. Please note that this is for information purpose and only a drug rehabilitaion facility can help him.
Heroin abuse is associated with serious health conditions which are fatal overdose, sponatnaeous abortion(for females), collapsed veins, infections diseases including HIV Aids and Hepatitis.Mental functioning become clouded due to depression of the central nervous system.Other effects include infection of heart lining and valves,plumonary complications(various types of pnuemonia) and even liver failure.
With regular use tolerance results which means the user must have more heroin to have the same desired effect causing more havock. Withdrawal(stoppage) which regular user say might occur just several hours after the last adminstration might result in restlessnesses, insomania, diarrohea,vomiting and kicking movements.This can last for about 72hrs prior to stoppage of drug. sudden withdrawal by someone in poor health can be fatal. Although heroin withdrawal in general can be considered less dangerous than alcohol withdrawal.
There is a wide range of treatment for this including medications and behavioural therapies.Methadone,Burprenorphine and cognitive behaviourial interventions.
I really do wish u the best. Goodluck dear.
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