| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello. Long story short. I'm divorced and I started an affair with a colleague. She's young and energetic. She once suggested me to bring a close friend of hers -whom I know personally quite well and is like a friend to me - into our sexual relation and I couldn't accept the thought. She nicely said that she understood but I think she isn't over this yet and it haunts me! She also said that it's cool with her if I bring a guy into our thing and she promises that it won't change a thing about our intimacy. I have always tried not to be opinionated and listen to what people have to say. Maybe she IS right about world changing and morality standards revising. Truth is I don't want to be one boring man and I have given that threesome thing a thought. Now I can set my mind to the fact that it's not cheating if your partner fully knows about it and you only bed the third person in the presence of your partner! On valentines night I'm going to fill her in about this and give her a nine-day wonder. I also wanted to know what you people think about this. Am I totally nuts? Thank you
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affair, divorce, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 Have you made a decision then?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2016): Thank you all. Although you made the decision not easier but harder for me, I'm sure you gave your honest answers and I appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (9 December 2016):
Me personally I would not want to share my partner with anyone. I would not be able to handle it and it would ruin our relationship. I guess it is personal preference. Just be completely sure you are 100% with it, as threesomes break up relationships all the time. Afterwards people just cannot handle what happened and jealousy creeps in.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 December 2016):
 FOR ME... (and I stress that this was for me as it does not apply to most people) I actually found it "stimulating" to watch my then partner be active sexually. BUT I am bisexual so that may have something to do with it.
IT also has to do with my personality and my security in the relationship. Insecurity makes folks feel things differently.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): So-Very and Honeypie We're not doing that for MY pleasure. The reason is my girlfriend. I actually look forward to it too. I have prepared myself for anything. So-Very wasn't it awkward to see your partner having sex with another one ? Thanks for sharing your experience.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2016):
I am a former swinger. NOTE the word FORMER.
As a person previously in the lifestyle my definition of cheating is "ANYTHING you can't, won't or don't tell your partner." So if you do this and don't tell her that you are doing it to not be viewed as an old boring man, then technically you are cheating her out of the truth.
Now why am I a former swinger? Because swinging and threesomes and open relationships ruined my last marriage. I was very happily in a marriage where we were open. He was fine with it until I wanted to add a boy toy to the mix for me. He ended up leaving the marriage for someone he met while we were married and they do not swing. I ended up marrying the boy toy and he does not share and I respect that.
OPEN relationships CAN work. I know of a few long term marriages where it does. But it requires very open communication, and very secure individuals and a very secure honest relationship. I see more marriages break up over swinging/threesomes/open relationships than I do over cheating to be honest. And I have never seen a non marriage relationship stand the test of time when you bring someone else into the bed with you.
Best of luck in your decision
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): @ Ivyblue, How so am I setting myself to be A and B ?
Thanks for your response.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2016):
 Sounds to me like you are rethinking the 3-some because you want this younger woman to think you are "hip and with it".
IF she is JUST someone you work and sleep with it might not affect what you have much, but if you are looking to build something with her, a 3-some is a good way to kill it dead.
And I don't really know how impressed she will be with a "9-day wonder" 3-some.
If you aren't keen from the start to bring more people into the bed then LISTEN to your gut.
And if you think OH this is my chance to try something most men fantasize about, then it's MORE about the act than her, isn't it?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (6 December 2016):
 I've given it a thought too and thats where it stayed,in my head. Why? because in my head it plays out all happy happy joy joy. Long term relationships may suffer fallout on a larger scale in comparison to something less emotionally invested as the casual fling but at the end of the day if it is something your just not into well don't go there.You are not obliged to conform to the changing views of society nor should you feel as though you are boring for not wanting too either. Boring is easier to deal with than regret or bouts of jealousy etc IMHO. I don't get the nine day wonder thing because ,if I have understood your post correctly, this is not something she will get excited over and loose interest, she wants it so and if you give her an inkling then I think you are setting yourself up to be
A: nagged
B: accused of what you don't want: BORING
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 December 2016):
 Instead of Russian Roulette your odds go down the more partners you have with all that's out there in the forms of STDs I'd try to avoid multiple partners if I were you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (6 December 2016):
 Society could tell me tomorrow that not sharing your partner is selfish and I still wouldn't want either of us to sleep with anyone else.
Cheating is morally wrong. Threesomes aren't. That said, they often ruin relationships and not having one doesn't make you boring.
If you don't want to do it and wouldn't get any personal pleasure out of it, don't do it. The point of a threesome is for everyone involved to want it.
I think there's a chip on your shoulder about your age gap and you think she'll tire of you for someone younger and/or more adventurous sexually.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (5 December 2016):
 You should never engage in sexual acts which you are uncomfortable with. Doing sexual acts for sake of conforming to "society" of a clique or "out of love" is not something that should be done. If you are uncomfortable with doing the 3-some then saying no is a morally right thing to do, irrespective of society. You are free to choose, but examine your sexual views and behave according to what satisfies you.
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