A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. about 6 months back I met a girl in uni that was doing some of the same courses as me, I got chatting to her and walked her to her bus stop before going home. I never saw her again for a few months. The next semester it turned out that we were doing the same courses, so I plucked up the courage to get her number and arranged to meet her for lunch. However it turns out that she is engaged. Since then, our friendship has really grown, and we share a lot of things with each other. She's had me round at her house and even asked if I would live with her next year because our degrees are the same. She has mentioned that her fiance doesn't do much to help her out, and at one stage thought he was cheating.I can't seem to get over her. I would like to move in with her, but I'm not sure if having feelings for her is a good thing if that's to happen. She is the type of girl I'm looking for too, someone smart, kind, caring, and most importantly, someone who likes me for who I am. I don't think I can tell her how I feel, because afterall she is engaged to someone who I presume she loves, and I couldn't take that away from anyone. But feelings for her say different.Any ideas of what I can do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Wow. Exact same situation here (school together, she's engaged, she asked me to move in), except I have known this girl for almost 3 years. I have met the fiancee, and he seems to be a really good guy.
She and I, for the past year, have gotten really close as friends. Her fiancee knows that I go and do things with just her all the time. He is very trusting, and has every right to be so. We go to concerts, out to eat, to movies, to shop...I feel like the gay friend. Kidding...
This last weekend, however, we both got a little drunker than normal and this was the first time that we actually went to a dance club. Slowly, as the night progressed, I noticed her becoming closer physically than before. Long story short, we ended up holding each other for a long time. The killer was, while talking, our noses were touching and a kiss seemed imminent...but, neither one of us moved in for it.
I walked her out to the car and waited for our other friends to come out. She was pretty tired, layed her head on my lap, and I rubbed her back. Nothing beyond that happened. One of our friends came out (a female) and offered to take her home because I think she suspected something may happen.
On the way home, I got a text from her saying it was good that she rode home with our friend because she believed something would have happened. I texted my agreement with that and she replied to thank me for being a good friend.
So, yes, she is beautiful, smart, funny, and very sweet. She has every quality that I would seek in a relationship. But, she is my friend, first and foremost. Also, I would never want to be the one to jeopordize her relationship. I completely agree with satindesire...respect not only her relationship with her fiancee, but respect her relationship with you. I still date other girls, but must say that if things went south for her and her fiancee, I would gladly step up and express everything in due time (must give plenty of time for her to recover and ensure that they are done). Be the good friend and be patient...it's for the best on all fronts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Keep her as a friend. Don't move in or things could get complicated. Try and keep an open mind about meeting someone else, as you could be hanging round for ever. She might have the odd complaint about her fiance, but who doesn't!
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