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anonymous
writes: in the past 18 months i have real strong reason to believe one of my children is not mine i have paid csa or allowance for 12 years. Lots of issues have arose, but also i have blue eyes my x has blue eyes and the girl has dark brown eyes.A geneticist says this is impossible. Anyway we are currently at court for a dna test can the girl refuse she has just turned 16 i heard that even if a court says they need to take a dna she can still refuse does any one know anyhing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): If you're in the US, the answer is probably yes. There's a right to bodily integrity -- its typically can't/won't order invasive procedures on ppl, especially in a case like this where it's not a criminal case, it's your civil claim against your maybe daughter. Could vary by state and type of DNA test; if it's just a cotton swab in the mouth that's less invasive than a blood test, for example.That said, what's wrong with you? Have you thought at all about what you're doing to this poor girl? Is any of this her fault? Why would you put her through this at a time when she's already dealing with so much? Be a grown up and stop thinking only about yourself.
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female
reader, Ms.syk0 +, writes (11 November 2006):
I have lost a father (a not biological father) and that really messed me up. I did not know he was not my father until he and my mom split up and he moved away and never called. Then I then was put in contact with my biological father. I have had real identity problems since. It has been very hard to deal with and difficult to comprehend.
I do not know what your motive is to know if she is or isn't your "Biological" daugther. If it is to save on an extra 2 years child support... I can't say she really needs to have that type of person around her. But if it is solely to KNOW, I think the decision should be taken by you AND her together, since it is a LIFE CHANGING moment. If she is your biological daughter than your relationship can grow very strong. If she is not, you might lose the only thing left of who she is, after trying to go through adolescence. She is in a difficult time in her life and this could have a great impact on her.
If you are concerned about giving money to your ex for her - you could always give the money directly to her? This was arranged with my parents, we all found it fair.
I hope I did not offend you in any way - I just want you to know how she might feel after all of this unfolds.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Not sure if she can still refuse. I would suggest you talk to your solicitor. They would know. How sad this all this and my heart goes out to your daughter. A dad who has shown his kids he cares about them can be one of the most loving, supportive influences in their lives. I can imagine how heartsick and sad she must be, learning that the man who she has known as her father, has severe doubts, about being her parent. Over the course of her young life, every contact this young girl had with you had been an amazing opportunity for her to love a 'father'. Did not all the countless little loving interactions with her up until now..mean anything? I can understand you wanting to be sure she is your daughter, but love and nuturing a child can't be measured in dollars and cents. It may end up that you may not be her biological father but look at it from her viewpoint..you were her 'dad' and that's all she's known. Perhaps, she's refusing because she can't deal with the truth...she's afraid of the emotional devastation and the pain, to come. Why don't you and the ex take the focus off yourselves for now and help this young girl. Get your'daughter' into family counseling. She needs it because she is dealing with heartfelt loss, right now and she needs to learn some good coping skills. If it turns out she is not your daughter..then all I have to say a 'great injustice' has been done to this innocent girl's life.
Good luck and please think of her well-being, too.
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