A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating a guy for 4 months now and I have accused him of being unfaithful from the very beginning.I don't have any concrete evidence but I think my past relationships trust issue have gotten me this way. He has stay around and endured the accusations until now. He recently told me that he needed some time. And I am unsure what that means? He says that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. Please help? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, molar305 +, writes (24 March 2008):
 I have been there. my ex's cheated on me and as a result you swear that your significant other is doing the same. I had to force myself to shut up. Everytime i wanted to accuse her of something i had to litterally stop myself, and i would think to myself, She's not my ex, she's different, i wouldnt have fallen for her if i didn't think she was different. after about a week of doing that, i just stop questioning it. Hope this helps
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Hi,
You are letting you insecurity rule your life. Its awfull to have acusations thrown at you for no reason, like Uncle Phil has said. But I do understand how hard it is when you have been treated so badly, and you are waiting for it to happen again.
Listen honey, if a man is going to cheat, no nagging in the world will stop him. Its you that needs to change, and your confidence needs a big boost. Why worry about what may not happen.
I think you should give him some space, if you keep on at him it will push him away further. Let him get in touch with you, and in the meantime dont just sit there waiting for him to call. Go out with your mates, get your hair nails whatever you can afford done. Make the time that you are not together special for yourself.
If I am having a hard time, I come on this website and answer some of the other peoples problems. You would be amazed at how it takes your mind of your own.
Good luck
XXX
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A
female
reader, Emmaxbaby +, writes (24 March 2008):
 I have the same problem, ive been cheated on in every relationship and i get paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me, and ive accused him and im always checking on him stuff, and i know i need to stop.
Maybe you could try telling him about your past relationships, it could bring you closer and explain how you dont mean to be like this, you have just been majorly effected by your past. He should try to understand. Maybe you could try some relationship councelling if things are starting to get out of hand, but thats if the two of you agree that you want to make your relationship work, but i think it would be best to talk to him.
He could be saying he wants space because he thinks your not trusting him and that could be deeply affecting him, espshally if hes not cheating. I think that trust is vital for a relationship and the two of you should work at building trust, a relationship therapist could help you.
Best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): If I was in his shoes, and if I was being a good boy, and being repeatedly accused of cheating I'd probably do one of two things. I'd either walk away thinking that the accuser was some sort of nutcase, or I'd try my best to find someone to cheat with, being of the mindset that says if you're going to get accused of something you might as well do it. And why stick to cheating with just one woman? You might as well get hung for stealing a sheep as a lamb!
If you've no real reason to suspect him of cheating, and no proof either, why accuse him? You'd be making a mistake to tar all men with the same brush, and who could accuse him of being unreasonable or blame him if he decided he'd had enough of your silly accusations and dumped you?
Basically, I think you need to get a grip on your insecurity, because if you carry on like this with every man you try to have a relationship with, you'll be a very lonely woman for a very long time. Try to control your insecurity - that's all I can tell you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2008):
 All those accusations from the git go would drive anybody away. Your only hope is to give him the space he's asking for and stop with the "trust issues" stuff. You may need to get some help with that baggage so you don't keep bringing it into your future relationships. Once he sees your attempt to change perhaps he may be willing to give it another chance. Good luck.
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