A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been sleeping with a close male friend for about 2 years, you could desbribe him as a "shag buddy". I was coming out of a long term relationship when it began, but am now single, and would love to have a go at taking things to another level with my friend. He doesn't want anymore than friends because he's going through a relationship "cold turkey" phase, trying to build on self-esteem, etc. on recommendation of a counsellor. It seems he's always on my mind, and I think the only way of changing that is to break contact with him until I've found another focus, but he is such a good friend and I want to support him through his down times. What to do?! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 The only way I know of to deal with this is to stop sleeping with him. Then when he comes to you wanting sex, you have to demand 'relationship status' or however you define 'the next level'. He doesn't get the sex without that.
If you relent and just have sex anyway, you're doomed. He'll just go on believing he can have sex without commitment.
You may well find he just finds someone else to have sex with. This is a high risk strategy, but it's the only one I know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I am going through the same thing, my 'shag buddy' is still in love with his ex so he says even tho it was over 3 years ago! I am so in love with him despite the lack of commitment from him but am so scared to lose him that i will take whatever i can get from him including sex.
If i had my time over again i probably wouldnt have got involved with him, there is too much baggage and at the end of the day its only me that is hurting! The thing is - its of my doing. I cant walk away yet, i'm not strong enough but if you are i highly recommend you to get out and look for a healthy relationship where the feelings are reciprocated!
You are worth so much more sweetheart :0)
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Women always get more emotionally involved in a sexual relationship than a man. The problem is here that he's already told you he doesn't want a relationship and therefore what you want doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things. I suggest you stop sleeping with him and tell him your feelings are getting too great and ask him to remember you when he's finshed his relationship embargo.
CD
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): You can't force him into a relationship with you and seeing as he's been adviced by a counsellor to go through a relationship cold turkey phrase it looks like you should finish having him as what you call a shag buddy and get with a bloke who wants a relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, GoldenHands68  +, writes (10 February 2007):
Hi, I have been and am in your situation. Sad thing is my shag buddy and I have just split. Its a very confusing situation. My advice to you is to enjoy your time with him and try not to get your heart to involved for the time. If its ment to be then things will move the way they should. Try to be the supportive friend and hopefully he will see all you have to offer him. Im missing my friend terribly and a broken heart doesnt heal quickly so I hope that it works for you if not just remeber its HIS loss.Take care
...............................
|
