A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem...I think its simple,I'm just really really terrible at saying no...SO..heres the problemI recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 months,we didn't see eachother enough and that was my fault...I also split with him because I just wasn't sexually attracted to him ..which i don't understand because I am far from shallow!Now,one of my friends has admitted he likes me..and i want to take things further,but i'm not sure if its a good idea...and THEN a friend who I havent spoken to in years has also admitted his true feelingsI have started speaking to my ex again and he also says he isn't over me...and he wants to start things up againI don't know what to do...i can't say yes to everyone but I also hate letting people down...and I feel as though I am always giving false signalsPLEASE HELP....I just need some guidance !
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, The old Man?  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Time has taught me that an ex, should remain an ex. Whatever it was that was the problem before, will become the problem again. As far as you not being sexually attracted to him, you're not being shallow, just honest!Though sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, it can certainly be the demise! More often than not, healthy sex is a HUGE bonus when it comes to working out other differences. You have that spark, that passion and the lust. In turn, you want to satisfy your partner in every way, not just sex. But all the way around. Not being sexually attracted can also lead to a wandering eye. Just about the time you "settle" for less than you want, someone else comes along and they are more of what you have in mind. Then, where are you? Back to what do I do!I'd leave the ex in the past, and move forward. You don't advance when in reverse!The guy that you have mixed feelings, you say you're not sure if that's a good idea. I don't know why you're reluctant, so I can't advise. BUT, being that you are, there is good reason not to jump into anything.The third guy,You need to decide if you are sexually attracted to him, does he have the qualities that you can deal with on a day to day basis?Being that you are confused all the way around, how do you feel about not making any decision as to who will be your next boyfriend? Take your time, get to know yourself, and what you really want. Worrying yourself over other peoples feelings is going to do no more than leave you depressed. A couple of months without a boyfriend may sound like the end of the world, but once you start taking time for yourself, and what it is that makes YOU happy, it wont be that big of deal. I realize that saying no can be hard, but once you get the hang of it, it becomes easy.Don't live your life worrying about other peoples feelings. There is nobody in the world who will worry about you, more than you!
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