A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Id greatly appreciate it if you could read this and maybe help set my mind at ease or tell me whats wrong or going on in my mind.I met a guy online years ago, got to know him, met him in real, fell in love and things were amazing with him. We went out for 3 years and ofcourse the horrible thing was that I barely ever saw him physically but we loved each other and talked everyday on skype. Then I had went over to see him last January and not long after I came home he got depressed because he missed me and he was incredibly bad, Ive never seen anyone fall so fast. He lost all emotions and ended up dumping me because he felt nothing. In time he got better but would never take me back regardless of how hard I tried. I tried getting him back for months and he told me to stop it and there was no way we were ever getting back together, that it was totally over and he will never get into specifically a LDR again because they’re to hard and he doesn’t want to get depressed again when the person leaves to go home again. So eventually I stopped. I still missed him like crazy and spoke to him all the time but I stopped asking for him back because it was hurting me more and more to be told never gonna happen.Well not long after I stopped trying I met someone here, whom to be honest I liked, he was cool to hang out with and very very funny and nice and we have a lot in common. I casually would talk to him more at work (which is where I met him, I work close to him but slightly different hours and doing a totally different job) and started seeing him out at the weekend which is where we would end up making out. One thing lead to another and after about a month or so of doing this I stayed at his house (we didn’t have sex, we talked all night about anything and everything) and before I knew it I was staying at his house every night and we did ofcourse finally have sex and Id fallen in love with him and him me. I now live with him, Ive fully moved in and been living with him for about 4 months now and he is perfect for me and it would seem im more than perfect for him.So whats the problem, right!?!?Well why cant I all of a sudden stop thinking of my ex?? My ex finally admitted he missed me around the beginning of January and that shocked me because he had always said no but by that point I was falling for my new bf…and I still do keep in touch with my ex and my current guy knows all about him but for some reason Im now thinking what if? And its silly. I always wanted to move away from home and I have a one year visa to go to Canada which is where my ex is but my head says to go to Canada and see what happens and my heart says stay here, you’ve found the one and will lead a nice happy live with him. And when it comes to the two guys…..My ex has no goals, he is quite happy to live someone not very nice and just get by and he doesn’t want kids and would love to sit and play games all day and now officially drinks to much, he is also younger than me by a year and a half and has only slept with 3 girls (irrelevant I know but you’ll understand why I mention it) My current boyfriend loves his job but would like to make more money, he wants kids and when he has kids he wants to be able to provide and give them as much as he can and have somewhere nice to live, he does play games but not to the extent the ex does, he does drink but only on a night out or at the pub watching football, he is 4 years older than me and he has slept with almost 50 girls….therefore he’s had his fun kinda thing.I personally want kids, I want to live somewhere clean and nice, I want to be financially secure and be with someone who loves me and cares for me and treats me good and honestly both would treat me good but when I weigh up the positives and negatives for both of them my current one is by far the winner because he wants the same as me in many things but specifically the important things in life so what seems to be my problem?? Why do I still think about my ex in that way?? Am I scared of commitment or something because I honestly cant wait to get married and have kids and I know the guy Im with right now will propose to me in time, so why?? Whats going on in my head, any insight would be greatly appreciated. And thanks for reading!!
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at work, depressed, fell in love, money, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 I don't think you are scared off commitment, I think it is simply your ex has admitted to you a couple of months ago that he misses you and you spent so much off your time wanting him that it is making you questions yourself and your life you have now. To be honest I think your ex may just want you now because you are not available any more. honestly if you went back to your ex I really couldn't see it working out. I think you are doing the right thing by staying with the guy you are with now. However it is not healthy for you to have your ex in your life as it will always be in the back of your mind then what if? I am a firm believer that if your current relationship is going to work you need to end the contact with your ex. Yes it will be hard and you don't want it to happen but it will be the healthy thing to do for everyone involved.
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