A
female
age
36-40,
*hellnotts
writes:Please Please Help Me!!I have a major crush on a 40 year old bloke at my work place! I dont know if hes married,divorced or single. I know he has a daughter the same age as me (21) but i dont want to say anything incase he says im too young or hes already taken!! I cannot stop thinking about this rediculous situation and i dont know what to do. He talks to me fine at work, jokes with me and laughs with me,and makes exceptions to talk to me..And only me! I cannot read the signs, i dont know if there is anything there or not..I really like him and wouldnt mind getting to know him a bit better - Age is a number to me - Please help me!!
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female
reader, shellnotts +, writes (17 April 2007):
shellnotts is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hiya, i want to thank everyone that has helped me and gave me good advice. I have now found out that is isnt married or seeing anyone. His daughter has a baby which explains the car seat! So how do i make my move without sounding an idiot? Im not sure if he'd turn round and say im too young..But i must be careful what i say with me working with him!! Cheers!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Hi,
He could be looking after his student age daughter and be single, or he could be married or in a relationship. The only way to find out is to ask.
Start a conversation. Say some thing like this...are you married [ Tom ], or do you look after your daughter yourself? He will either tell you, yes 21 happy years "or" Yes single dad's do exist ... If its the first response it ends there with a conversation change (it won't be difficult) or if its the later ... then a date might be the end outcome.
Speaking as a single Dad, usually realtionships last as long at it takes to discover the fact your're a single dad. Single male parents tend to look after the children when they get a little older, often the siblings drift into living with dad, and it might be that the student aged daughter did this. I looked after my kids from the age of 4 and 6 which is not common in the UK, but I now know about half a dozen dad's looking after older sons and daughters.
So ask the qusetion, other agony aunts and uncles will warn against relationships with older men, but some of them work and its not impossible that you might make two friends....ask the question, nothing too to loose.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Just ask him conversationally, if he's got a partner or a wife or did he bring the daughter up by himself...he will respond in two ways ... either he will say of course 21 happy years, or ... yes, single dads do exist. Then you've got your answer and either clarified things for you "or" begun the conversation that might get you a date.
Speaking as a single Dad, of teenage daughters, most relationships last as long as it takes to discover your're a single dad. I looked after mine alone from the age of 4 & 6; most single male parents end up in the siutation when the childrn are a bit older, or when a sibling moves back in with them.
If he's married or in partnership don't go there, if he's single but providing for the student age daughter, give him a chance. Whatever the other agony aunts/uncles say about older partners, some of them do work, you don't have anything too loose and you might make two good friends.
Ask the question, don't leave it.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Mark  +, writes (16 April 2007):
Why don't you just ask him outright if he's married? You can also ask someone else at work who has known him a long time if he is currently married. This is the first step. After that, if he is single or divorced, just take it easy, and if it's mutual, you can go from there.
I would be concerned about the age difference though. 40 year old men can often find young women to be very attractive, and fun to make them feel young again. But unfortunately they are not necessarily thinking about the feelings of the young woman. Sometimes they want casual sex, and if that's ok with you, there's nothing wrong with it. But if you have feelings for him, be careful. Prepare yourself ahead so you don't fall too hard!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): You must have a gut feeling when he looks at you. Look at his eyes, eyes say a lot. Body language speaks more than words.What kind of looks does he give you ? Look for these simple things.Maybe, he just likes you because you are his daughter's age. You need to know first, if he's married and all that before you go about thinking too much. You could end up getting really hurt.Get to know him a little more and then see what happens. I would say take things slowly, It seems as if you are attracted to this man, but you need to have patience, and with time, you will know how he feels. When you are comfortable, you can ask him little things, that may tell you more about him and drop hints to him and see how he reacts, maybe he is scared becasue or your age also. Good luck
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