A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Im 26 and 34 weeks pregnant by my ex. We were spiltting up when I fell pregnant but I didnt want an abortion and my ex said he will stand by me. However, as time has passed I have grown to dislike him so much that I dont want anything to do with him. For the past 7 months of my pregnancy, I have seen another side to him that I never saw for the 2 years I was with him! For instance, a few months back I was facing homelessness. I had to move out of my 1 bed flat and into a bigger place for the baby. I asked him for support as in some money for the deposit but he said no. I ended up having to pay £1500 by myself. We had an argument over it and I didnt speak to him for a while. I was working all hours to raise the money while he was out all the time drinking. So fast forward 4 months, Im in my flat but its barely furnished and im already in arrears with council tax. I decided to meet the ex to talk. He told me that in out period of not talking he had gone and bought a pram - but second hand. While I have no objection whatsoever towards second hand goods (I have loads of second hand clothes and toys for the baby already) I just thought this was so rude considering the amount of money I had spent. He lives at home with his parents even though hes in his 30s and he has a good well paid job. In my eyes there is absolutely no reason for him not to buy a new pram. On the good side though, we did come to an amicable arrangement of how much maintainence he would pay once the baby is born. He is also setting up a trust fund which is also good. Then a couple of days later I find out that while me and the ex werent talking, his family were spreading nasty rumours that the baby isnt his. My ex doesnt believe this but when I asked why his family were saying those things he replied "they have freedom of speech and you werent talking to me at the time". Personally, I dont think anything can justify what was said and Im very upset over it. I said I wanted an apology to which he said I didnt need one and they didnt have to apologise if they do not want to. I am so frustrated at his view on this its made me want to cut off all contact with him completely although I know I cant do this cos of the baby. But my problem is how can I get over this? How can I agree to be amicable with him and his family when they have made me feel like this? I dont know what to do. I just feel like I hate him and even tho I dont have to have much to do with him other than for the baby I just dont want him in my life at all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): I definitely know what you mean. I am in a similar position. The father of my unborn child is the worst person in the world and hate is a very 'nice' word o describe how i feel about him. You seem to be an independent mother so you dont need him. Yes, while every child needs a father, it makes no sense driving yourself crazy just because of the child, because eventually the child will realise that both paents are at odds and it will eventually start affecting the child emotionally. So, do whats best for both you and your child. Move on and do your thing yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Ok, this is not about him, it is about you, and what kind of person you want to be. You are at a crossroads, you could become bitter angry and disgusted, which I am not saying is unjustifiable, or you could go the route of the bigger person, one who is not petty, but rather good, just and noble. You can overlook the flaws of your baby's father and try to co-operate and push both of you towards being better people. This can only be done through your example. Act the way you would ideally like your child and others to act.Eventually the family will be embarrassed for treating you that way, and your baby's father might find a new found shame and respect for you, even a love and admiration. But whatever you do, do not complain about how hard your life is, there is no honor in it.
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