A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm new here and hoping to get some advice. I am married for 1.5 years now and have a 2 month old son who I absolutely love and adore. However, I feel like I have started to hate my husband. He completely changed after we got married and started to be verbally and physically abusive towards me. He tells me that I'm the worse wife anyone could ever have, just because I don't communicate much with his parents and family. I have always kept my distance with them as we were never really on good terms, he however deems this to be disrespectful. I tell him I wish to keep my distance and talk only when necessary and not to expect me to be best friends with them however this does more harm than good for me. I cannot stand some of their ways (they are too conservative for their own good) and even have a problem with the way I dress. My husband seems to defend them most of the time and tell me that I shpuld bow down to their ego just because I am younger. But the fact os that they have never done anything for me except spark trouble in mt life! Even after I gave birth it was my mum who helped me ease into the motherhood phase and not my in laws. I hate their very existence! My MIL plays with my husband's mind and tells him to keep his pride and not let me ride over his head and I find that totally disgusting! She's obviously trying to create trouble and she never liked the fact that I married her son. I insisted to have my own place and not stay with them and since that day she was never on my side.What do I do to make things better for myself? Any advice would be much appreciated!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): I understand if somehow you feel that your self esteem has been dragged down by this man and his family and therefore that he has a kind of 'control' over you with his abuse. The sadness in this is that his family and him are perpetuating the abuse into another generation. If you 'cannot' leave the situation for your own sake then surely I would hope you can see that allowing a child to grow up witnessing abusive comments from one parent to another, and someone having to put up with that is unhealthy and damaging. You either need to get counselling together and make plans to move or you need to get out of that relationship. I appreciate it is easy for us to say that but can you not see it is a road to yet more abuse? When does this situation start affecting your health? Do you think, given your partners background, that he will not abuse your child verbally and physically? Will you stand by and let that go on? You have been made weak by this and now you are being kept weak.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2014): Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately we come from the same background and culture however our upbringing is very different. He comes from a low income family and physical and verbal abuse has been part of the way he has grown up. I am only 23 and divorce is not even an option because we have a child and sometimes he even tells me "you and your child can f*** off together" it's really hurtful when he speaks like that! He has abused me physically so many times and has left me with bruises and scars. I regret marrying him completely but now I am stuck. Please help! :(
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 So you are at a crossroads, do you want to find a way to work this out or do you want to toss in the towel?
I think you are BOTH expecting the other to accommodate them. YOU want him to NOT listen to his family and you want him to accept that you want NOTHING to do with his family. He WANTS you to see THEM (his family) as YOUR family too.
So, who gives?
I agree with Celtic tiger it does sound like there is a cultural difference thing going on too.
I would personally, NEVER live with my in-laws (or my own parents) as a newly wed couple. I can see it for a short term ( like while moving from one area to another, but long term? no way) Close to them would be OK, with them, no uh!
So your husband GAVE into your wishes and you two live apart from them.
If he verbally abuse you, I would say get out without a doubt. Don't take that kind of crap. Physically abuse you? Totally a no-no.
Do you work? Do you have an income or are you solely dependant on him? If it is the first, I suggest you move out. If you mom (for a short while) can take you in, I'd go there. If you are totally dependant on him financially, well, then it's time to look for work so you can support yourself and your son.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (4 September 2014):
 Can I ask if your husband/parents in law are from the same culture as you? Or are there different cultural norms at play here?
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