A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm 31 and I have been sexually active for over 10 years. I've had three long term partners and then a handful of one night stands back at the start.I've only ever orgasmed through sex or otherwise about 3-5 times. And they were clitoral and very weak. It seems that I am the only one who can make myself orgasm regularly. But never g-spot. I feel so bad that my current partner thinks I orgasm more regularly with him... I have to fake it. But yet he's the only guy I have ever climaxed with... even if it was weak. When having sex.. I don't really find that it physically turns me on. It's usually more a little bit of pain but generally just doesn't sexually stimulate me. I sometimes find oral or my partner using his hands a tiny bit more stimulating but not by much. It's like I am numb. Is there something wrong with me? I've never spoken about it. Could it be psychological or is it just something I have to live with? I enjoy the after part of sex and or giving my partner pleasure because I can see how much he enjoys it. Why cant I enjoy it like this? I hate faking it :-(
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g-spot, one night stand, orgasm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): Thanks all.op here.
Just to clarify that I would consider myself quite sexual as in I dress up and we try new things and all sorts. Just the actual having sex is a bit disappointing (for me).
My nipples and breasts have zero sensation sexually. I enjoy kissing on my neck. Vibrators d ont really work much either :(
I may ask a gyno next time I see one. Thanks again
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (8 December 2015):
You say you feel 'numb down there.' Have you spoken to your gynecologist about this?Comments here about women not achieving orgasm thru penetration alone reflect my experience.I have heard a lot of women say that their easiest orgasms come with the use of a vibrator. There are many different kinds of vibrators: Most are purely for the clitoris but there are some for the G-spot and a few that work on both. You might want to try a variety of vibrators. Most men enjoy watching their partner getting turned on by a vibrator so their usage could be either solo or with him. Is there anything else that you would enjoy while having your vagina stimulated? Options here could include kissing, breast massage, bondage or anything your heart desires. Would it help if you made the room more romantic, dressed up or ???I've never heard anyone complain about a good orgasm. May you figure this out and go on to have a lot of big ones!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): Experiment. Don't just go for regular old.sex. Try it all. Missionary. Behind. On top. In the car. In the bed. Outside. Anywhere there is a chance you might be caight. With toys. Without toys. Oral only. More and more fingers in anywhere. Lots of lube. Whips. Ties. Blindfolds. Handcuffs.And try not to plan it out... that makes it feel methodical and sex needs to be filled with passion and fire and you don't get that if you meticulously plan it out all the time.And foreplay is your friend. It should be like 80 percent fooling around with any form of non-penis-in-anywhere pleasure and oenetrative sex when you just can't take it anymore.And NEVER fake and orgasm. It helps no one. Because he will think what he does works and it's not. Experiment together and let each other know what works....that's the only way.Go out on dates, olay sex games with each other. You love each other, show it. Just give him a blowjob when he's on the phone and not expecting it, and vice versa.Sex is meant to be fun. So have fun.If it is the vulnerability that comes from letting yourself go completely with another person, you may also need to talk to a professional about the cause and how best to overcome it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 A squirting orgasm is possible but it requires lots of work. With a vibrating toy I am able to orgasm easily. For a woman, an orgasm ranges everything from a pleasant sensation, a wave, to a loud Oh followed by shivering all over. For a man it's basically the same. You can see it in your own eyes even if the cum is sometimes more sometimes less.
My opinion is that women can't get off because there's not enough stimulation to the G spot. A lot of men would think that 10 minutes of in and out would achieve that. The vibrating wand was a gift from an ex friend who had erectile problems. Even though he could not stay hard or finish and I used a toy, I fell in love with him and there was a wonderful aura afterwards.
Get yourself a toy and explore a bit. Let your husband see your expression and that elusive female ejaculation. Tell him you are ready to step it up if he is. Before trying actual sex, start with finger stimulation first. You would feel lots of build up, tension but stay with it. If you are patient enough you would explode. It is time consuming. It can be exhausting so it's just something you do once in a while. If this is what you wish for, at least know for what it is, rather than just say weak orgasm is the best that you, or all women can have. You never know if you never try.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 December 2015):
 You are quite normal.
Think of it this way: while your mind and thoughts contribute to feelings of arousal and being turned on, the sexual arousal point for you is your clitoris. Which is a structure inside you, related to the male's penis.
When fetuses develop inside the uterus, the cells that become the penis in a male are the cells that become the clitoris in the female.
The cells that form the testicles in the male become the ovaries in the female.
The cells that form the scrotum in the male become the vagina in the female.
So....
It's not psychological.
It's anatomy.
Stop faking it.
Learn what works for you, without the Freudian expectation that the only "valid" orgasm for a woman is one that originates from penis-in-vagina sex only (or penetrative sex)....
Imagine this, that your partner was expected to reach orgasm through stimulation only of his scrotum. That his penis wasn't touched or stimulated directly but only by accident when the stimulation of his scrotum happened to nudge his penis. Would he reach orgasm? Would any man asked this question say that he would reach orgasm?
Um, nope!
So, what you need to do is find the sexual stimulation that works for you and then share it with your partner.
If your clitoris needs attention it's exactly the same thing as his penis needing attention. Only it's so basic for men that they get that it's the penis for them, so many assume that your vagina is an inside-out penis. It's not.
Your clitoris is like his penis.
Make your clitoris happy and you'll be happy.
And guess what? You can have a whole lot of fun figuring it out! Spend time by yourself and work it, girl! Then you can show him what works for you!
But do stop faking it.
And do give him that anatomical lesson. I think men get it when you relate things to their penis. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): Good to know I'm not alone. Kinda sad though that I don't find it as mindblowing as my boyfriend does :-/
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2015):
 i am 55 and been sexually active with multiple partners male and female over the years since I was 14...
I have had precisely ONE man make make orgasm through oral sex regularly. and I have had ONE orgasm from penetration in my entire life.
MOST women do not orgasm from penetration.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you just that you are not overly sensitive in the clitoral region of your body where orgasm come from.
even now when I masturbate some orgasm are better than others... it's the nature of the beast.
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