A
female
age
51-59,
*anderingshewolf
writes:When I was in college back in the 80's and 90s (went part time over a period of years), one of my professors managed to confuse the heck out of me. At first I could not stand him (he was young, a bit dorky, yet arrogant and very bright).I was dealing with stressful familial and health situations at the time, and was not in the same place as him,a high achiever and workaholic. I withdrew from the first class I had with him because he loved to pop quizzes on us. As I advanced to higher classes years later, I had no choice but to take his classes as he was the only faculty member teaching those classes. I had long forgotten my exit from the first class, but he was real uptight. I finally asked him why he was so tense, and he told me I had humiliated him when this "beautiful blonde" had left his classroom after a quiz the first year he was teaching. I was blown away by this revelation. We made peace, then for several years after that we became good friends (something I did not anticipate). He used to invite me into his office and we would chat, eventually even 2 hours. Initially our topics were just about the subject matter, then became more personal (but never romantic). He helped me get opportunities in the profession. It seemed there was growing electricity - I was starting to find him very attractive, and his eye contact, body language and enthusiasm about me caused me to think he had ideas about me too. Other associates seemed to think there was a two-way attraction, but I was never sure. Eventually our friendship bit the dust when he inferred to some other department members, in front of me, that I was solely responsible for my visits in his office (in an effort to cover himself, I think). I stopped speaking to him for 3 weeks; he had caused tears for me, and to my surprise I caused the same for him with my silent treatment. Needless to say, we parted ways. He eventually did marry, and I was seriously involved with someone else for a while, but I regret that we hurt each other and didn't make a go of it. I have never forgotten him. Last year, we corresponded a few times by email; I now live in the state where he grew up. He was very friendly and enthusiastic (just friendship - fine with me). In recent months, however, he stopped communicating cold turkey, a complete reversal of his previous quick friendly responses. I don't know how to interpret this. Does anyone have any take on this situation? I can't help but think there are some kind of feelings there - just don't know if they are loving or loathing. Feedback appreciated, thanks.
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female
reader, wanderingshewolf +, writes (5 July 2008):
wanderingshewolf is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to everyone who has replied - each reply has helped. What got me started on thinking about this issue to begin with is that, ironically enough, I am interested in moving forward and finding my soulmate where I am, but have been very frustrated in that no one I see or have met seems to compare with what had developed with this guy. I suppose I've been feeling a loss.
I just wanted to clarify two points I had forgotten in my initial post, that had contributed to my confusion back then. We had ended up on a first name basis, at his prompting, which I suppose is no big deal, but it felt like a wonderful privilege to me. But more importantly, he used to get nervous or distressed if he saw me talking to or hanging out with male classmates; on several occasions he asked me if I was dating whichever male classmate he had seen me speaking with! In two cases he then followed up that he really did not like the guy with whom I had been speaking. In all cases I assured him that I was just friends with my classmates, which was the truth. So you can see where there had been what could be perceived as strong signals from him that he was interested in more than only friendship. When our friendship crumbled, I think it was as hard on him as it was on me. He seemed happy to hear from me years later. Be assured I'm not trying to break up his marriage; I just don't want us to lose our friendship - that would be a shame.
Again, thanks for your replies - I feel better about it.
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