A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A lot of guys that I am attracted to aren't really outgoing when it comes to talking to me- like for example, the boy that I'm crushing on (I know he likes me, and having sex with him proved it) won't come up to me and talk to me! I kind of have to always go up to him, and say hi. And I'm the one doing most of the talking. I feel like he is intimidated by me (a lot of my friends tell me I could do better) but then the other side of me feels like he's not interested. I said hi to him the other night, but I didn't start any particular conversation- I wanted to see if he would- but of course, he didn't. He spent the night talking to some fat short girl! Another part of me thinks that he doesn't think I like him- but I had sex with him, so why would he think I wouldn't? I'm very confused. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if I should just keep pushing him and doing all the work until he comes out of his shell, or is he really just not interested and should I just give up? Or what I can do to be not so intimidating?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I read all the responses- and I do understand where you all are coming from, and I kind of reread what I wrote and what it sounded like- but there is more to the story. I kind of have been giving him mixed signals before we ever did anything, like for example: He was in my class, and I would always wave hi. One night out, he came up to me and started talking to me (So in my mind, I thought he would start initiating the conversation). When I waited for him to say hi to me in class, he never did. So I just never said hi to him ever again, and I would just ignore him (I know this is immature, but I just didn't understand why he would never come up to me and say hi). So after ignoring him for a couple of months, I started saying hi to him again. I felt awful! It was so immature of me to do that, and I just figured in time we would go back to how things use to be (I wanted to have a friendhship with him, before it would turn into anything). So I kept saying hi to him, and he would give me the cold shoulder sometimes, and sometimes he would talk for a little bit- But i knew what I did, so I would take anything he gave me. Then one night out, after a couple of months of this going on, I just put my arm around him and introduced him to my friends- and the next thing I know, I'm making out with the fella! A complete shock to me. He asked me to dance, and I said no (I don't like dancing) and he asked me to leave (and I knew where that was going, so I said no). I felt like I rejected him again (after going over what happened) so I promised that the next time I would see him- I would just go with the flow- see where it would take me. And it took me to his bedroom hah. After we had sex, he asked me what I expected from this, and I replied nothing. I didn't really expect him to say that in the first place, so when he did, I didn't know what to expect. He didn't want things to be awkward, which I told him that things wouldn't if we both didn't want them to be, and he told me he didn't want me to get mad if he didn't call me (and I replied, well you don't call me now, so I'm use to that). He seemed really confused, because he would tell me that he felt weird because we really didn't know each other that well, but he didn't want to hang out. I feel like he expected me to reply, I expect us to get to know each other a little more, and when I didn't he kind of took that as rejection again. That night he also told me he has trust issues. I wasn't really expecting him to say that. I know sleeping with him wasn't the greatest idea, but I never do that, and I know I will never again- but I don't regret it. He knows I'm not a slut, since he's known me for 3 years (probably why I felt so comfortable with him) and he knows my ex. I'm not expecting a relationship right now with him, but I do want a friendship with him. What I'm going to try to do, is pretend like nothing happened, like it wasn't a big deal, and see if we can rebuild something- some kind of trust before anything goes further.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I guess the "fat, short" girl was more interesting than you. If you come off to him like you come off in this post, maybe he just thinks you're kind of shallow and uppity and it has nothing to do with being intimidated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I hate to tell you this, but he doesn't sound interested in anything long term with you, you aren't girlfriend material, and I know you may not want to hear this, but having sex with him too soon to prove that he likes you, may be the reason why.
He lost respect for you, he wonders how many times you have had sex with a guy you barely knew, and he doesn't want to associate with you if you have that sort of reputation as an easy girl, and no it isn't because he doesn't think you like him, you are making all of the moves.
I wouldn't push him to do anything.....give him time to decide for himself if he trusts you or likes you enough to ask out. Did he ever ask you out for a real date, or was this having sex some sort of hook up at a party or something extremely casual like that?
Guys won't tell you this or admit it to their friends, but most of them secretly wish that you would wait to have sex with them, they want to feel they have won you over bit by bit and that it is the real guy that you want, not just sex or because you are trying to snare yourself a boyfriend.....sex does not make a guy fall in love with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): ummmm are you sure he likes you? maybe he just thought you were a good time girl? Maybe its not that you are intimidating but that he is not interested in you? Sorry if that sounds harsh but it sounds like he may not be into you all that much.
I mean seriously........if he is talking to another girl all night that sounds to me that he may want more from her he may want a relationship from her. You on the other hand may just be some type of mastabatory aid?
I know when I like girls i actually talk to them where as if I see then just as a bit of fun I don't really bother but if they put themselves on a plate for me I take it from time to time but it dosnt mean that I actually want to be with them.
Harsh I know but take a look at the situation.
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