A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is something very personal that's been bugging me for years so I'm just going to ask it.When I first had sex at 18 I was looking forward to the "traditional experience" - blood, a little pain, you know. However, I was quite let down. There was literally no blood - none. Not a drop. And pain? Yeah right. My body offered no resistance at all. No pain, no "tearing", no blood, no nothing. I was dissappointed. I'm not even sure if my boyfriend believes that I was a virgin! And it's even worse for me, because said boyfriend has "deflowered" two other girls. It makes me angry to know they probably gave him more satisfaction than I did. *sigh* Anyway, that's not the point. I'm fairly positive that I never broke my own hymen. I'm not big on sticking things up there even now, and I certainly wasn't as a teen. So that's not an issue. As a child I was active, but no gymnastics or horseback riding. I did get a hernia once at 8 years old, when a girl jumped on my back while I was trying to do the splits, but I certainly don't remember seeing any blood. If my hymen was broken as a kid I must've been very small, because I assure you I would remember finding blood "down there" as a child! Sometimes I've even wondered if I was molested as a toddler(that's how much this issue worries me!)My question is: has anyone else experienced this? Did any other gal have no blood or pain at all? Do you think maybe some day it will break with lots of stretching? Is it possible I was born without a hymen, or with a very thin one? Please don't just tell me that "it's no big deal" because it is a big deal to me. Oh, and I know sometimes it takes more than one "session" to fully break the hymen. I've engaged in many sessions since the first, all without blood and pain. So that's not the problem either.
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female
reader, Sgurino_17  +, writes (23 February 2016):
Something similar happened to me, I got deflowered at the age of 17, no blood no pain, I did not feel much at all. I always thought something was wrong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): I was deflowered at age 20 and had no blood too. I think all bodies aren't the same. With some, there'd be blood and others none.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): No blood my first time either, it was just uncomfortable but not painful
You're normal :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you :)
I usually don't buy into hype, honestly! I'm pretty open about things, you could even say liberal, I just wanted one thing in my life to be very normal, most of the rest of it is not! But I do feel better knowing I'm not the only one.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Thank you for your follow up! I'm sorry to hear that you think there's some sort of universal normal involving blood and pain. Everyone is individual, their bodies are individual and no one is going to have an identical experience to another. Your own attitude perpetuates these notions of what constitutes an "acceptable" loss-of-virginity experience. You bought into the hype, then rather than recognize it as hype, you decided that you were somehow wrong or deformed, when in fact, you are normal. You're just the normal most people don't talk about.
You've judged yourself and found yourself wanting. You had a pain-free experience and decided that that somehow made you less acceptable than the other women in your boyfriend's past. I feel kind of sorry for you in that. Until you reframe your approach to this, you're going to be judging yourself from a negative standpoint. That's not a healthy approach to life, if your default stance is that you are somehow defective. Or that "traditional" is the "right" and "only" way that something should happen.
You are normal. You are a wonderful person who had one type of experience in the loss of her virginity. Other people have different ones. One is not intrinsically better than another. My bottomline advice: stop selling yourself short.
Best wishes to you and your boyfriend!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses, everyone.
This is just a big deal to me because I was looking forward to the "traditional experience." I don't enjoy pain or anything, I just wanted to have something that was kinda normal. It's not the hugest deal ever, but I feel better knowing that other women had my same experience. I feel like the whole blood and pain thing is so amped up, you know? It's like a rite of passage or something. And what, if I had lived 100 years ago or in a different culture would my "husband" have disowned me for not having "proof" of virginity? I think about that sometimes and feel really bad for women throughout history who had my same issue and whose husbands didn't believe them!
And yeah, this has made me wonder if I'm abnormally "loose" but I really don't think I am. I've asked my bf and he said no, and I can really just tell that it feels tight on him. And his size is definitely in the normal range, not huge but not small either...it's a little bigger than my ex.
So yeah, not the biggest deal ever, but just something I wonder about.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 March 2010):
So you think that "deflowering" necessarily should involve blood and pain? And that your boyfriend was somehow disappointed that you didn't feel terrible pain and bleed all over him? Really?
If you really want to know what happened to your hymen, if you even had a detectable one, please go see your gynecologist. Ask for a mirror so you can examine yourself while she (or he) points out the landmarks and anatomical details. You can get to know your own body and hopefully will have this burning issue laid to rest.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Most girls would be really happy there was no blood or pain!
Loads of stuff can break your hymen - running, dancing, riding a bike, horse riding, using a tampon. And yeah, some girls are just born without. I sure as hell never had one.
If it did't hurt, then either you're not very tight or your boyfriend isn't very well endowed! He may have said he 'deflowered' two other girls because he's embarrassed about the size of his penis.
If you are quite loose, there are Kegel exercises you can do to tighten up.
Purely out of interest, why is this really important to you?
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A
female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (29 March 2010):
Neither did I, but I waited quite a bit longer than you, but I had no pain or blood, I just assumed it went years ago, I played sports, I rode horses, so it really wasn't a big deal to me. You should be thankful that you had no pain, believe me I was shocked when I didn't have any.
It could have broke when you did not even realize it.
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A
female
reader, unappeciatied +, writes (29 March 2010):
Your over reacting. Your situation is a good thing. I lost my virginity at 18 also. Actuall there was no pian at all, nor any blood. Maybe it had something to do with his mediaum size or it could have just been my sensitivity to pain. Now that I have learned my body I tolerate a lot of pain sexually. There is nothing wrong with you. Your Hyman can break naturally.
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