A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound chaotic and pathetic. Theres this girl I've known since September but since April we've been getting pretty close. Talking till ridiculous hours of the night and there hasn't been a day we haven't done this for weeks. I thought I was falling for her.Last night we were talking and I know shes had a bad past with her parents and that but when she was visiting her dad she was telling me about her drunken experiences. What shes been up to with other guys and despite she said she regretted one of them, shes just crazy when shes drunk. And I didn't seem to mind but when I was going to bed I just felt this massive wave of disappointment and almost heartbroken. She sent me a dirty text this morning and I was thinking 'well I didn't sleep anything off then'.I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I can be a bit crazy but I don't get thrown in bins at ridiculous hours and get up to whatever in a barn in the middle of nowhere with some random guy. I don't know why I'm struggling to talk to her about everything about this I just guess I exaggerate everything.
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male
reader, ciaociao +, writes (28 May 2009):
It sounds like she is a bit promiscuous, or at least has a promiscuous past. Which is definitely a bit of a worry at her age (if your age is correct, at 16-17)!
I think you were right, she's not who you thought she was. And I too would feel similar saddened feelings, you are not alone on this one. Perhaps you are not suited to such a promiscuous girl and would be better off finding a girl who is less promiscuous. I know that's how it is for me.
Just tell her you don't feel comfortable about her promiscuous sexual experiences, and would prefer not to hear about them. Your inherent disapproval of her actions might have a profound effect on her, as she might have been telling you (and might have been why she acted in such a way in the first place) to seem "cool". Which is rather unfortunate, really...
If it's all in her past then that can be OK, so long as it can sit well with you.
Anyway, just stand up for what you believe in, and try not to let it sadden you. There are plenty of excellent people in this world.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I think your reaction is just fine. You seem to be a man of value and morale, and you put this girl on the same pedistool that you put yourself on. You expect the same behaviour from the people you interact with that you expect from yourself. Some guys that she will talk to will have similar stories that they can share and stay up all night laughing about, but you are not one of those guys.
You can still be friends with her, and get into a relatinship if you want,
but my warning is that if you do get further involved with her, you will find yourself overcome with jealousy, distrust, and disappointment.
I recommend finding a girl who is on the same level as you are and leaving this one as a friend.
Unless you feel you can overcome her past and forget about it and live for the present. But obviously, you know yourself better than I.
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