A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance recently gave me some discs to use on my pc. As I was looking through them I came across xxx pictures of him and an ex-girlfriend. I feel sick and can't get the image out of my head. I have told him that I've found them but haven't been able to see him since (we don't yet live together). He has apologised alot and I don't for one minute think that he meant for me to see them but how on earth do I deal with the image I have of the man I love having sex with someone else? I'm a really jealous person although I tend to let things eat away at me rather than airing it. I know this is going to cause problems and I would love any suggestions as to how I get over it. He tends to compare me to ex girlfriends but I always come off better but to me it all suggests that he can't let go of his past.
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ex girlfriend, fiance, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you...all your answers have helped alot. It's true, I need to gain some perspective on this thing. And yeah you're right that it looks like he's forgotten that he had them. It's just really NASTY seeing that kind of thing! I definitely needed an outsiders view as I have spoken to a girlfriend (he would be mortified) and she was outraged so that didn't help much lol.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. It all makes sense. I know he is feeling horrible about it too. I've also had issues with this type of thing in the past. My ex actually put pics of his naked ex on my PC cos he wanted to photoshop them!!!! I had explained this to my fiance and told him of the problems it caused and that if he had anything like that to please get rid of it before we live together.
I feel kinda sorry for him but have no idea why he has kept them. I hate feeling jealous and am worried that when we sleep together I'm just going to feel sick!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): he probably forgot they were there because he'd be a real dummy to give them to you knowing what was on them otherwise. they are probably old, things he never bothers to look at, so hes never gotten around to deleting them. its important to let the past go. you both have pasts, i'm sure you've slept with other guys just never kept evidence of it lying around.
he's with you, not thinking of some other girl he once slept with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Okay you have to gain a little perspective on the whole thing. He gave you those discs not knowing what was on them, which suggests he didn't even know he still had them, he would have them hidden somewhere safe if he was intentionally keeping them.
This should prove to you that his ex no longer means anything to him. I mean he didn't even look to check if they were on there which suggests he'd even forgotten he'd had them.
Not talking to him is only gonna make things worse cos your mind will just keep jumping to conclusions with no confirmation from him.
Truthfully if I found pics like that of my girlfriend it would hurt a lot, but it's only retro-jealousy, do you want to lose him over this? Him letting you destroy them would help to heal those wounds but this is more your problem than his. I mean if you were reading this from the outside then you'd probably laugh it off like i did. In a few years if you are still with him it will probably be more amusing than aything else.
There is nothing here that suggests he isn't over her or that he's not fully commited to you, so just talk it out with him face to face.
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A
female
reader, elizawarder +, writes (17 January 2009):
I think you should try, as hard as it is, to move forward and forgive him. he probably completely forgot about the photographs or im sure he wouldnt have leant you that particular disc! its horrible thinking about the person your with having been with anyone but you, but he probably does feel bad, and you should try and give him the benefit of the doubt :). jealousy is a horrible feeling, tell him that the pictures have bothered you and can he be sure to get rid of anything like that as it makes you uncomfortable to know he still has the photos. try not to let it get to you though, its you he is with!
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