A
female
age
36-40,
*non.88
writes:Ok. So. I stumbled upon pictures of my boyfriend having sex with his ex girlfriend. It was an honest accident, I wasn't snooping. Long story short I was fixing his old computer (from 3-4 years ago) and they were on there. I wasn't, and am not, mad or even upset. More than anything I think I may be mildly traumatized...I can't get those images out of my head...and it really sucked to see the person your in love with doing things to someone else that you do together and considered special. I told him he may want to go through his old pictures and he knew exactly what I was talking about and obviously deleted them. We haven't had sex since and to be honest I just can't go near his penis after seeing it inside someone else. I just don't know what to do...I haven't talked to him about it because he takes things pretty personally and I don't want it to evolve into a fight (because theres nothing to fight over), and I don't want to make him to feel bad, because really he didn't do anything wrong, so I don't even know what to say...help please...
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female
reader, anon.88 +, writes (25 November 2009):
anon.88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I am definitely going to suggest doing something unique that neither one of us has done before to try to reconnect, that is a very good idea!
In response to "strontiumdog" I see what you're saying and thank you for your input. And yes of course I know we both have a past, but the difference is seeing it. It's just stuff that no spouse should have to see. And like I said I'm in no way mad or upset, just traumatized and I'm trying to figure out how to get my "mojo" back as it were, hahaha.
A
female
reader, [email address blocked]  +, writes (24 November 2009):
![[email address blocked] agony aunt](/avatars/6210e5e8-1761-476c-91b2-0651f1f556b6.png) That's a tough situation. I've had it happen once, kind of, with a guy who had dated a friend of mine a while ago. We went out a couple times and it was finally THAT DATE (the one where we'd finally sleep together). I can remember taking a shower and just breaking down because all I could picture was the two of them sleeping together. I never told him that, but the first couple times we had sex it was SO awkward for me. I talked to him about it and he suggested that we do something those two hadn't done. And it helped - things weren't so awkward because I knew I had that one memory that he hadn't shared with anyone else.
The weird feeling never completely went away but I realized that he had a past, just like me. And even though I didn't want to know the details (and the friend had a habit of sharing all kinds of details) I could either let it control my feelings and end things with him or I could try to move on see what happens. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Miss. Courtney +, writes (24 November 2009):
Well my boyfriend cheated on me and when I asked how it happened he felt the need to vividly describe the slutty things she said to him and how she went down on him.. I more or less was asking how did he get in that situation- not the details but I was left with that image he painted for me and couldnt shake it.. He was the only person I had ever done oral to so it was special to me and imagining him liking a whore to do it made it feel like it wasnt something special to him.. I never was able to do it to him again but our issues may have been deeper than yours but I do want you to know that I was eventually able to put it behind me to where I could have sex with him thatagain.. You never really shake the image and sucks for you saw first hand instead of using ur own imagination but even though itll always be in the back of your mind- in time youll get past it bc youll eventually get so swept up with how happy you are with him that ull be able to go on without even reaizing it.. itll soon be just a bad memory
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A
female
reader, anon.88 +, writes (24 November 2009):
anon.88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to include something...sorry. We've been dating for 2 years and living together for 7 months...just incase anyone was wondering.
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