A
female
age
30-35,
*nhappy2
writes:I'm in a very complicated emotional situation right now. There is a guy i met online, I want to meet him but for its not possible for me until next year. He lives in another country. So we started talking every day, he was supporting me after a break up, and was really wonderful for me. He said that he loves me, that i'm his dream girl. After several months I realized that I'm in love too. At first he didnt seem like my type, but I liked his personality. He treated me like a lady, he seemed so mature, caring and "for real". He had plans to visit me in the spring, but i said i would rather summer (no college etc). We had a quarrel in april and he became really cold. I was already in love and hurted so much. When things got back to normal, he didnt mention visiting me at all.Things got f... up when suddenly he told me not to talk to him. I was shocked because it came out of nowhere. And then I made some research online. According to one site, he is ... married. I found a baby registry on his name too. I was more than shocked. I dont know if to trust this websites, as there were no clues, ever, that he might have someone. He chatted with me everyday, sending messages, sharing all sorts of pictures, talking on skype too. He updates his facebook like 40 times a day, and never mentioned family. He hundreds of pics but none with a girl / baby. He goes to a bar every day, until late night, to strip bars too. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me. Right now Im going crazy, I dont want to live in denial. I was trying to visit him really hard and have a relationship. Im sick of waiting, and now im ILL of wondering wtf is going on. He was the one to make commitments first, i dont know if its all a lie. The problem is that i really love him, the distance is killing me. I feel so fucking naive, I dont think i could ever trust someone again. I was cheated before, my own father cheated. Right now he pretends nothing happened. I keep asking , how is it gonna be with us, if he has any plans etc. My heart is broken.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 You are not in a relationship with this man, because you have not met him and gotten all the facts about him.
You are in a fantasy with someone who might have played on all your dreams.
You will trust and love again, but you will do it smarter next time. You will heal.
FYI, lots of men are on FB and do not mention spouses or family. Sad, but true.
Your infatuation may or may not have been married with a child, but the fact is, he told you that what was between you is DONE. The fantasy was as far as he could go.
Now, for the future make yourself some rules. We live in a digital age and chances are that my might first meet someone online is pretty big. Consider the following.
But, have some common sense about who you let into your life, your heart, etc.
Rule #1-Date locally. Date someone you actually have the chance of at least seeing on a weekly or bimontly basis. Any further distance outside of that is simply too far!
Rule #2-Before several face to face meetings, real DATES, and many significant convos you have in the flesh..do not discuss marriage, commitment, having babies, or say I love you. You have no idea who you are really talking to, even if you use Skype, it is not the same.
Rule #3-Understand that when a man does not go PUBLIC about you, he is either unsure of you or he is hiding you from others that would be upset by your presence.
Rule #4-If someone talks about meeting you in person. What are they expecting? Is it going to be a meet like a first date or does he consider all the other communications to be "dating" and he is now eligble for sex?
You will get over this! Promise. You will learn from this and be much more careful next time.
Look at it this way..if you had met earlier and got sexual, you would be the other woman with a married man. You avoided that!
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