A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedd:(
writes:I have a boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months, i love him and i do think he loves me were generally very happy, we brokme up for a month in summer and got back together in august, the problem is while we were getting back together he'd been talking to some girl on facebook and i found out and he told me how stupid he'd been and how he couldent live without me and i believed him and forgot about it.About a week ago i found out that he'd been talking to another girl on facebook for two weeks, they'd talked about how much they liked eachother and planned to meet whilst going to see a band and afterwards sleep with eachother but all the while my boyfriend never acted any differently with me, still telling me he loves me all the time and being normal. i found all this out by going through his phone when he was asleep and when i read it i told him to wake up and get out. later he told me he couldent believe how stupid he'd been and how he'd ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him, andhe didnt know why he spoke to her he just wasn't thinking. i told him i would try and trust him again if he deleted her from facebook and never spoke to her again, and a week on from that he still hadnt done it even though i asked him every day to do it, and he promised he would, until last night when i flipped out on him and told him if he didnt do it we were going to break up because i was finding it hard enough to trust him let alone wondering why he still hadnt deleted her, he did delete her but he made a huge deal out of it, saying he wanted to do it in his own time, and making excuses about his internet being broken when it clearly wasnt and not wanting to do it on my laptop. i dont know why he didnt just do it straight away and i dont know if he's still talking to her, im so confused and i dont know how to find out whats going on, i love him but i don't know how to trust him again and i can't tell if hes still messaging her. help :(
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female
reader, confusedd:( +, writes (10 October 2010):
confusedd:( is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for the advice everyone, i hope i can do what i should do, which is finish with him, its just so hard to do something that you don't really want to do :(
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (9 October 2010):
Break up with him. He was sneaking around behind your back and planning on cheating on you. Then he didn't delete her from facebook immediately, like you asked him to do, and which is perfectly reasonable, considering she's the girl he was going to cheat on you with. And then when he finally does, he makes a huge deal about it when he was the one that screwed up. Does that really inspire confidence in you? Will you really be able to trust him? Should you trust him? I don't think so.
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A
female
reader, confusedd:( +, writes (9 October 2010):
confusedd:( is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell we broke up in summer, then got back together, but at the time we were getting back together he was messaging some other girl and i found out about that but then forgave him, and it's been fine for about three months and now theres this other girl, im pretty sure he didnt cheat on me because i was with him almost all the time and then i found out about it before they were supposed to meet up, but he's very secrative about his facebook messages and texts and his phone in general :\
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (9 October 2010):
If he wanted to be with you, he would have decided himself to delete all contact with this girl and totally move on and do anything he could to make things right. You shouldn't have had to keep asking him to do it.
Sometimes people can be tempted in relationships but in your case I think your boyfriend wants to have sex or some kind of relationship with other people outside your relationship. I don't see how you can work around that and if you continue the relationship I worry you are just going to get yourself really hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): There is only one piece of advice for you in your situation: LEAVE HIM. NOW. YESTERDAY, ACTUALLY. He is not somebody you will ever be able to trust again. That said, do not waste another second of your life with this lying, manipulating, untrustworthy actor... who is not as good of a liar, manipulator, and actor as he thinks he is... because he got caught.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 How do you know he didn't cheat on you? And was he talking to her while you were broken up? If he was planning this while you were broken up, that doesn't mean anything. He wasn't cheating. Were there two girls or just one? I'm a little confused by your question.
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