A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone so i've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year and we live together. back in February we was fighting a lot. It was every single day all day. it got to the point where we really hated each other. In march we fought a lot as well we went maybe 2 weeks straight without fighting then started fighting again. Anyway tonight a girl messaged me asking if him and i was dating and i said yea why she sent screen shots of messages between him and her. idk what day they are from because the messages are from kik messanger. anyway i asked her if they was dating she said yes they started dating in February she didn't tell me what day she said she seen his picture on instagram of me and him and looked up my facebook and seen that it said that i was in a relationship with him and that she ended it with him on sunday. she really hasn't given me much details or information on anything. my boyfriend said that they wasn't dating they was just talking. he said he didn't ever hangout with her. he said he started talking to her because things with us was getting worse and worse. i don't know if this is karma because i have been talking to another guy while my boyfriend and i have been fighting or what. but it really hurts. i really love him i have a 2 year old daughter and he thinks the world of her he treats her as if she was his. and it really breaks my heart because she thinks of him as her dad because her real dad is in and out of her life. my boyfriend said he started talking to this girl because he thought that we was going to break up and if we was to break up he was going to date her. i am really and truly hurt because i never expected him to do this to me. i mean her does everything for me he takes care of me and my daughter he's been encouraging me to go back to college. he gets me and my daughter anything we could possibly want and need. i just don't understand. Could it have really been all the fighting and bitching? He did tell me once that i was pushing him away. Or is he just a cheater.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 April 2014):
 So what is the problem exactly, except that it hurt you that he was doing the exact same thing you were doing to him? You were cheating on him emotionally, but when it came back that he was doing the same, you're hurt. You never thought that while you were alienating affection from your boyfriend and giving it to another man, you were pulling away from this boyfriend.
You don't solve relationship problems by cheating or bringing third parties into it. Apparently, you both had the same idea, which suggests mutual immaturity. Now you have a choice - stay together, come clean, and work it out, or leave.
I'm saying that your relationship has outlived itself if you two are constantly arguing and now seeing other people. It's in the coffin.
As for his betrayal, remember how it feels now. This is what you did to him. Don't cheat on boyfriends, because this is the pain you cause when you do it. Have the guts to work it out or end things honorably, because usually the way we treat our partners gets visited back on us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe fought about everything I could find to fight about. He didnt sleep with her they didn't ever hang out she lives 3 hours away. He said that they had no kind of relationship although they had talked about dating. He said he was planning to date her when we broke up. He said that he was sorry and that he was willing to do whatever it takes to fix things. I gave him a few options that he said he would do to fix things. But I just feel disgusted with the whole thing. I know me talking to another guy was wrong. Today I just dont want to look at him or even talk to him. If he's willing to do everything to fix things. How can i ever trust him again? And will we actually be able to stay together after all this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Or did he start picking fights with you because he was already cheating on you? Some people do this rather than admit they aren't happy. It was done to me.
I'd get some STD tests done. If he's been sleeping with her and you then..... well better be safe than sorry. You need the full story about what happened between them. If you were still together, then he has cheated, whether you were fighting or not.
And she sounds like a decent honest girl who would give you more information to get to the bottom of it all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2014):
 You BOTH reached out to other people because of fighting. INSTEAD OF working out whatever problems that CAUSED all this fighting. THAT is your biggest problem.
Did he "date" her or not? It's hard to say, my guess is YES - because she seemed honest about it and she broke up when she found out about you. SHE didn't know about you from the get go. And she didn't want to date a guy with a GF. HE omitted the truth to her and he lied to you. I want to "guess" that he pretended, him and her were "just" talking. Because that makes him seem less guilty. And he was hoping you, less mad at him.
Could it have been all the fighting and bitching? Sure. After all wasn't THAT why you reached out to another guy too? You weren't happy with your current relationship?
Does that mean what he did was OK? No.
Does that mean what YOU did was OK? No.
You two need to figure out if you want to make it work OR not. If you want to make it work, then you two need to sit down like tow grown adults and figure out why do you fight so much. What are you actually fighting over? Is it something that you two can resolve? If it is then WORK on it , IF.... and only IF you two want to make it work.
IF you can't resolve this, maybe it is time to call it quits. You can't hang on to a man because he makes your life as a single mom easier. That isn't fair on YOU, your daughter OR the guy.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (2 April 2014):
Combo of fighting and being way too young to settle down. I have to ask why you would want to be with someone you fight with all the time? That isn't love, you know that, right? It is also a horrible thing to expose your little one to.
Are you able to support yourself and your daughter? If not, I would start working on that. You really need to be focused on creating a bright future for you and your child, you are also extremely young. If you're participating in screaming and yelling, you are just as much part of the problem.
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