| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: my partner has treated me very badly for a very long time, telling me he loved me, then he didnt etc... i feel like ive been through hell and back with him. when i had just come out of hospital a few months ago he had to go away, he came back from this trip and i just knew something had happened but he kept denying it. eventually i found messages on his phone from a girl and he told me that they had just kissed. i spoke to her and she said the same. i didnt really believe them but it took me until yesterday to ask him, i told him she had admitted it and he said sorry and that he regrets it. i just broke down in the restuarant - tears everywhere - so embarrasing!! he has told me for a while that he's not in love with me, then he changes his mind. but last night he said if he had valued our relationship and been in love with me he wouldnt have cheated. the problem is im PREGNANT! i feel so scared - he says he doesnt want to be with me and offered to pay for my abortion. i wanted to call his mum and have a good chat with her about it all, to see if they would support me with my decision to keep it but hes deleted all there numbers off my phone so i cant. they live far away so i cant visit either. he wont tell his friends and i cant believe some one i was with for two years could treat me so badly. if he had told me about the girl he slept with, i would never have got back with him and got myself in this position! what should i do?
View related questions:
abortion Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rainee  +, writes (14 October 2006):
 Only you can decide what to do, don't let others dictate your life, especially him.
My advice?
Leave the deadbeat, he's no good for you.
If you want to keep this baby, do it. It may be difficult having a baby by yourself, but the tiny little things often have the power to give their parents the strength to do anything. Don't get an abortion because it's convenient for him or because people think your life will be "stronger and happier". Some women can abort babies on a whim and be fine; that is the minority. Most regret what they did, or even if they don't regret it because they needed it, they still feel badly for what they have done.
If you keep the baby, make sure you get a lawyer and get him to support his child. If he denies it, a paternity test once the baby is born may be needed, but it'll only give validity to your claim. The courts can make sure that he pays his share, including garnishing his wages.
And last, learn to never only keep numbers on your cell phone. Always have hard copies, and try to remember important ones. Including your problem of him deleting the numbers, what if you lost your phone? Anyway, why does he still have access to your phone? Get HIS phone if neccessary and make sure his family knows what is going on. Even if they don't believe or trust your claims, they should at least know your side, because you have can be sure he is either keeping them in the dark or telling them BS.
Goodluck
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (14 October 2006):
 You need to get an abortion. Tying yourself to this man for any longer than you already have is not fair on you or the little baby. I know it must be hard to be in this position, after he lied to you for so long, but you have to be strong and pull yourself out of this. It can be done, and you'll be so much stronger and happier once you've moved on and left this loser to do his own thing.
He wasn't worth the time you've already wasted on him so don't waste anymore. Get rid of the baby, as hard as it will be, and move on from all this hurt and pain. He sounds like he's taken all your self esteem away so maybe see a counsellor or something to work on getting your life back together.
I can't really understand why you stayed with this man for so long, knowing the games he was playing, regardless of whether or not he cheated but that's all in the past now and you can't beat yourself up about things you can't change. I hope you get through this, you don't need him or his family. You need to get yourself back on your own two feet and to do the right thing for you.
Good luck
...............................
|
