A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 and a half years now. I love him with all my heart, but I dont know what to do anymore. Long story short, when we first got together, anytime I asked him anything [about his past, about what he was doing.. etc] his answer would always be [{Dont worry about it}] or [{Its none of your business}] Then it started out that he would spend "extra" time in the bathroom. I talked to him about it and I told him it made me feel unwanted. Like I wasnt good enough, he tells me that Im wrong.He likes to download movies, I would ask him why he would d/l porn movies and he would tell me that I just needed to stay off his computer.Then, I found him downloading porn dealing with animals. [I think thats just sick] and I questioned him about it and he said it was just curiousity.Anytime I would walk away, out of the room, leave him unattended at a computer, he cannot be trusted. I understand thats just how a guy is, but when I bring it up to him, and he would tell me he wouldnt do it at all or as much, shouldnt he keep his promise?I mean, I dont feel attractive enough for him, and I feel like Im trying to do whatever I can do 'spice' things up.But....Thats not what this question is about.. when he was younger [long before he met me] he ran his mothers phone bill up to the point they disconnected the service and cant pay it, by calling those sex lines / chats. So we cant have a phone, so Im borrowing a cell phone from my mother and it didnt occur to me, until I got a something in the mail from one of his many debt collectors saying that my phone number was used with this credit card. But it didnt say what the phone call was. So I questioned him and he again said [{Dont worry about it}] or [{Its none of your business}] Excuse me, its my phone, Its my business?We had a long drawn out fight and I told him he was never allowed with my phone unattended. A couple weeks ago, he went to his friends house, while they were at work, to use their computer. A few days later, I got another letter in the mail saying the same thing, however this time wasnt my phone, it was their phone. So I questioned him again, asked him WHY? He said he needs fantasy? I told him that Im not doing it for him. Not giving him what he needs and he says I am. So Im confused. He also promised he would NEVER do this again.Well, right now, I am out of town, visiting my family and his sister called me up and told me that he borrowed his mothers cell phone and apparently made another call. I dont understand? Im out of town, he has magazines and movies and Im not there to bug him about it.. why does he need to call one of those numbers?I dont know if hes actually getting through due to the credit card number he apparently keeps entering wont work.. but its the fact of what he is doing.Oh and hes hounding me for a threesome. [Which is a totally other story] I dont know what to do with him. Any advice??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jchevy1791 +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I think this man has some serious problems with porn and sex. You've obviously asked him many times to stop and he doesn't. I think you should come out to him and tell him that if he's not willing to change or respect you that it's over. If he still won't put any effort into quitting his addiction then get out of the relationship. You can do better then him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): He has an addiction (plain and simple). And yes, addictions can be beat. I had a gambling addiction from 1990-1997 (on sports betting, daily); it consumed me. I finely bottomed out (and thankfull my bottom was not as bad as some), and I freed myself (with the help of God) of it. I would tell him (you love him) (first and foremost); tell him you honor him and feel bad that he has something that is so controlling of him. I would even say just know I love you with all my heart and if you want to free yourself of it, I will be their in any way to support you (always). If you don't, know that it is hurting me and I may not have the ability to stay in it b/c of how it affects me and hope that he will appreciate your not judging him and instead honoring his problem without blaming him. End of the day, it will up to him to want to get help. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): I think you do know what to do. This guy has serious, and I mean serious, issues regarding pornography and clearly will go to any lengths to download / access material including criminal offences such as using other peoples property to obtain it without their consent (via phones, computers etc). If I were you I would get out of there so fast. What on earth is possibly attracting you to someone like that? By staying you are in a sense supporting his actions - knowingly. From a legal perspective that could have serious consequences and from a financial point of view it could already.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): oh dear this is a tricky one i found my ex i loved on porn, it's a real stab in the gut because you feel insecure, jealous, not good enough ect Because women on porn are usualy really good looking, my first advice to you is click on this link http://www.google.co.uk/preferences?hl=enscroll down to safe search filtering and clic on the bullet point with the sentance ''Use strict filtering (Filter both explicit text and explicit images)'' next to it, now go back to google and type in porn, porno, pornography ect... gone ! :)okay your like 1/4 there now you got rid of his porn on his computer you've got magazines cells and his 'needs' to deal with. Im sure you can block numbers on cells and go to his local store and tell them to stop selling him rude magazines its ruining your relationship ect if its local im sure they'll understand. You need to get him emotionally too. Theres a few options, carry on, stand up to him, or attempt to satisfy his 'needs' - if u carry on like this is silly, just don't pick this option- stand up to him, now this will test his love for you, make him choose.. you or porn? if he picks you awwww its love blah blah blah, if he picks porn, or picks you then watches porn behind your back why are with him? either get some relationship counciling sessions with him he needs advice too or get the hell outta' there before your too emotionally attatched to leave or even think about it- satisfying his needs? hmm I'm thinking kinky underwear, toys, things around the bedroom have a theme each weekend like slutty nurse then naughty school girl seriously anne summers shop covers all of this and look up new positions techniques in the bedroom where you can improve on the internet or ask on here and just be a dirty littl whore for him thats what he wants even if your 22stone or you have saggy boobs or what ever, he wants you to be a porn star.. act like one! :/I hope my advice has helped you Good luck xx
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