A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My x has been contacting me via email and other means for a while. I have not responded for 4-5 months. I heard from his sister finally that his mom is dying and I contacted him. He said he misses me a lot, and he is thinking of me. He feels terrible about how he broke up with me and is very sorry. He freaked out and did a 180 and cut me out. He feels it was still best for both of us. He broke up due to not wanting to be monogamous and now says he is polyamorous and is telling other women this before involvement. I lost a lot of trust in him and I'm still deeply hurt by the loss and his abandonment. I don't know if I should try to reestablish a friendship with him, we were closer than 2 people can be and I thought we would spend our lives together as he asked me to early in our R.I'm not sure what he wants to do. I would like to say goodbye to his mom, but I don't know if he and his relatives will accept that or if it will be too emotional for me. We were a family for 2 years before she moved. What do you think he wants? Is he only feeling guilty for hurting me. I'm still very traumatized from all of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTy QL
She is incapacitated to the point that a phone call would not be possible I think. A card would be sort of impersonal, but that may be what I have to do instead. If she doesn't want me to visit I would not go though. She took something I gave her a few months ago to her new location where she is not allowed to have that many personal items, so I guess she has thought of me still.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (5 December 2010):
 Ahh, well if it's long distance perhaps you can call or send a nice card instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionty Quirklady. I have to ask him how he feels about this and how his family feels. It's a long distance trip and I don't know about the logistics and so on. We would have to spend some time together probably and the whole thing could be difficult. I don't want to stay by myself there with all of these emotions and no support and I have no one to bring with me.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 December 2010):
His mom is dying...I think that's a good reason for him to feel overwhelmed and reach out to you. I would go see his mother and pay my respects, and be kind to him knowing he's got a lot of troubles...but that's all I would do. I wouldn't try to re-establish a friendship because there's just too many emotions flying around right now and one or both of you will end up with hurt feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionty for your answer. I don't think he is asking me to have a sexual R with him again because he had lost his attraction to me for the most part. He knows I will never accept sharing him with other women. It's just not for me. I do feel he was deceptive with me though because he was feeling this way for months before we broke up, maybe longer, and he never discussed it with me. He broke up with me because I require monogamy he said. The trust is gone because of how he broke up with me and how he has treated me since and not telling me of his feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): ~LOVE IS NOT A SIN, CHEATING IS~
While I have never engaged in polygamy, I am a firm supporter of it and would partake of it if the appropriate opportunity presented itself...HOWEVER...I would want a live-in- relationship with My One...and it would be important that My One was completely understanding, accepting and secure with it.
I respect you ex for being honest with you and others upfront, as he's respecting you by being honest with you about this aspect of himself and allowing you to make your own decision as to whether or not you could accept that as intimate involvement with him.
I admire his honesty and respect of you and himself, as many people would hide this from another and engage behind the person's back...hence cheating. This sustains and strengthens trust.
He's not a player...He is respecting You upfront.
((And oh...I wasn't always a firm supporter...))
If you decide to engage, engage because you want to and not because you want to and not because that's what he can only accept...AND...if you don't engage, don't engage because you don't want to and not because of what society's objection.
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