A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts! I have been a member here since 2011 and you always help me everytime I need, and now here I am again please I need a real advice, please don't judge as I really need help for openminded peopleI am 24 years old asian married to a 60 year old man in america, I have been with my husband in america for 11 months, we have been married 4 years now. My husband did help me catch all my dreams, helped me with my career and really invest everything on me, our married life is okay, until a tragedy happened.after 11 months my husband went to jail for case that i dont know but it is big so I need to come home to my country, after a year and a half I met this guy he had a daughter, not married, and later we decided to live together. I love him so much everything about him we've been together for a year, I know him ever since because we are neighbors here but the thing is he is very simple, he is a farmer, people seem criticize us because I was rich and somehow influential and he is a poor guy but yet family centered and he did everything for us and we are very very happy couple. thing that I could not imagine that I can actually feel it, TRUE LOVE,we already planning building a family when suddenly my husband is already out of jail and still longing for me and want me back home in his arms and continue all what we have started.Now I do not know what to do and to choose my legal husband that is very kind to me and will make all my dreams come true, secured and be dignified with pride in my town or my live-in partner that is a simple man yet the most precious in my heart,I really love him so much that I can accept all people's criticism to me, also very caring kind gentle,and most especially loves me very much too.They said love fades by time and they also said dream catched but still you heart longing someone to love.What shall I do and choose? Please help me
View related questions:
fell in love, in jail Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2015): It is my advice to be with the man you love. You shouldn't stay with someone; just because you owe them a debt in gratitude, or you feel obligated to. You will become resentful in doing so. Relinquish all your rights to community-property; if you do decide to divorce him.
Take nothing you don't feel you deserve.
You kept emphasizing the fact that you love the farmer; but you only declare your loyalty to your husband for what he has done for you. Your guilt is what keeps you conflicted; but your love is even stronger, because you haven't left the farmer's side. Even under the objection and ostracism of his neighbors. Just consider what affect this could have on his child. People can be very cruel to children; when they can't get to their parents. You know your cultural traditions, and how much people thrust their beliefs onto others. They can be quite relentless, and make you feel very isolated.
It serves your legal husband no purpose to hold on to you when you really love someone else. Gratefulness isn't love, it is appreciation for what someone does, has done, or who they are. You can be grateful to a good Samaritan, or a total stranger. It's not enough to offer your spouse.
You're supposed to love, honor, cherish, AND be grateful to your husband. All of these things.
It appears you have everything for the farmer. So that is the one you should choose. You will be in your home country, but you will have to go through a lot of red-tape to divorce your legal husband abroad. That could take some time and will be quite costly.
I suspect he will resist; but loves you enough that he just may let you go. You wouldn't have fallen for someone else unless your heart was open to it.
It's always best to be truthful. Even when someone gets hurt in the process. It wasn't your fault he winded up in jail; leaving you on your own. On the other hand, you wouldn't have fallen in-love with someone else; if you were truly faithful, in-love with, and loyal to your husband.
You happiness is where you are. So stay there.
|
