A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I was training this guy I worked with and the first time I saw him I connected with him. I asked a few of our mutual co-workers if he was single and they said yes and he told me he was one day as we were walking around our job site. Any way we connected on a very high friend level and were constantly texting each other when we were not around each other. Our boss even came to us one day and made it clear that there was no dating between employees. I was still a virgin and if you knew me you would know how very quiet I am. I put up a wall very quickly. Well, with him every time I tried to he would some how knock that wall down. Anyway, one night we were working together and he touched my leg and we started playing "does this make you feel uncomfortable game" anyway eventually I told him I was still a virgin and never did anything before. Well, we started to do things but never had sex, it was all just playing around. One day I walked in on him and a co-worker talking about how his girl friend never gives him sex. I was stunned (This was like almost a year into us fooling around) after I found that out it wasn't long before he found a new job and we just stayed in contact through texting and normally was just talk about how things were going at our volunteer fire stations. Well last week he came over and we had sex. I really wanted it and he was upset and talking about breaking up with his gf and I had lost my virginity last summer to a one night fling (alcohol is bad) and he has always been so caring of me..well beside not telling me of his gf. He informed me about how him and his gf got together, and it was by cheating. Their partners at the time where cheating on them so they decided to get back at their ex's and slept together. They then decided to date after his father kicked him out so his father could move out of state with his new wife. Well, my question is I feel wrong for doing anything with him but it feel so right in the same run. If he was married or had children I wouldn;t be doing anything with him but he doesn't have kids and he is not married and they both are misserable in their relatiionship together. I don't know what to do because I talked to him and told him about my feelings several times and he said he loved me but as much as my heart wants to believe that my head keeps saying he cheated on his ex to get back and now he is with me when he is upset with his current gf, so what makes a possible relationship with me any different, which makes me put my wall back up but as soon as we see each other he knocks the sucker back down. I am just confused and I have talked to my mom and my cousin and my aunt and they all say that I have to follow my heart and blah blah blah and that if he really cares he'll take the leap and leave his safe zone with his current gf and try things with me but i don;t know how to talk this out with him. Any advice or help of this confused blabble would be deeply appreciated! Thank you for reading this too.
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co-worker, cousin, has a girlfriend, his ex, lost my virginity, still a virgin, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): You're welcome. I sincerely hope you can be happy away from this affair. I have been the 'wife'/victim of an affair as I said - at one stage I was full of such anger and hatred for people like you (the other woman)and of course cheating men - but over time I have come to realise that very good people can find themselves mixed up in things like you describe. Your friends who are telling you you are doing nothing wrong are not giving you good advice - they are right in that you don't "owe" the wife anything, her husband does - BUT, you are enabling this mans lying and deceit, and living it yourself. That's really no way to live if you ask me.
You need to look at why you were prepared to 'settle' for a "relationship" that is based on sneakig and lying and where you can never really have your needs met...why don;t you feel you deserve more than that? Go and find yourself a good counsellor - work this out, have some time to get to know yourself and THEN you will be ready for your Mr Right.
I hope you can walk away from the affair and that it helps both you and this man to make things right in your lives.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your insight. I have been feeling that way and I knew deep down to step away but ppl around me keep telling me I'm not doing anything wrong and if it felt right to keep going and talk to him about it. Thank you so much! =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): Gina's right - this is CLASSIC cheater/affair stuff- go back and read some of the other posts on here - they are all so similar - noone ever thinks their 'other man' is happy in his relationship...the wife or girlfriend is usually a 'bitch', the guy doesn't want to hurt the other person etc etc...can;t leave because of money. or kids or because the wife's mother has cancer....blah blah blah
do you know his girlfriend?? Have you asked her if she's unhappy?
I was cheated on by my husband- he did it for a year before I found out - and let me tell you - I thought we were fine - happy in fact - the shock makes me breathless to think about even today, we had our 'normal' life going on - happy times, sex - it was all "fine"...except he was screwing some chick on the side every couple of weeks cause she was "fun". So - don;t assume the other relationship is all bad - if it was he wouldn't be there. He is meeting some other need he has in you - who knows what it is but it's probably something to do with feeling appreciated by you, feeling 'wanted' or having no "pressure" placed on him...he needs some counselling.
you would do well to walk away from this - it will end in heartache - that's the other common factor in all the affair stories on here.
Other alternative is to give him an ultimatum - me or her- if he wants you he will choose you - you stop putting out or communicating with him til he proves he has ended his relationship...that'll show you where you stand.
Don;t be his bit on the side - you sound like a nice enough girl - go find something better.
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