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anonymous
writes: me and my partner had loved the idea of swinging it appeals on all levels and i thought we had talked very openly about it until we went away and did it. firstly he acted very childish by taking off his towel diving on a bean bag and shouting whey hey girls come and get it, i was so embarrassed i wanted the floor to open up and suck me in. and i must admit that afer that i didnt want to be known as his girl friend but as the night passed on things got better for me and the cider went down a treat i totally relaxed and although i played with other people i did fullfil his fantasy i must admit i am more chatty and out going than my partner and he is partly deaf and relies on me to initiate a conversation although i think most of it comes down to shyness and no confidence but he walked out of the club leaving me to fend for myself in a strange town. Luckily 2 people i knew gave me a lift back to the hotel we were stayng in we sat up and talked for more than 2 hours but to me i was the wrong person he was the right person he said he felt left out as he couldnt hear the conversations going on but he managed to try and talk in french to a person i was having a conversation with and all the way back home he drummed into me how left out he felt how alone and how his hearng tampered with his night.It's not his hearng that tampered with his night its his confidence i have tried to tell him to say he his deaf in one ear and to talk slowly and louder than normal and if he doesnt understand to say pardon or can you say that again but he wont, he is driving me nuts cause i had a better time than he did and although i have promised to play together next time i dont think he believes me now im getting to the stage that i cant keep on like this and feel we should take a break from each other please suggest an answer
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reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (6 April 2007):
 Living with infirmities can be difficult and embarrassing. I can understand why your partner doesn't want to expose them to virtual strangers he's tying to get something going with. He's insecure and probably looking to you for support.
You have to decide if this is something you can provide. If so, you should be there for him all the way. Really play as a team the next time you play, and help him cover up the fact that he has trouble integrating because he can't hear. In the end that should make things all the better for both of you. And that kind of "team play" in a swing scene can be really hot if you play it right. You might be surprised, if you give it a try.
One couple I knew went to a certain swing/scene club (it was that kind of place) with his and hers collars and a symbolic light chain about 10' or so long tying them together. They were MUCH in demand. Not necessarily suggesting this for you, but it's the kind of thing some people do under the right circumstances.
If you can't support him in this way, then you should ask yourself why you are staying in this relationship in the first place? What are you getting out of it vs. what are you putting into it? Is this swinging not something you want to be part of your relationship? Is this relationship not something you want to be part of your life? Dig deep. Really question your own motivation. You are dealing with questions that are going to touch on things that will be essential to your own happiness for some time to come. Be honest with yourself, and don't be afraid to look facts straight in the face. And then don't be afraid to take actions based on the answers you find. You need to be able to live with yourself.
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