A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel really unloved by my partner of six years and dont know how to fix this. Every night when we get home from work he sits on playstation and I sit downstairs alone. If i get him to spend time with me, he acts ezasperated and like hes doing me a favour. I am ashamed to admit that last year, I went out when I was feeling like this, and ended up kissing a random guy. I confessed and although my partner was upset he said he could understand why I was feeling lonely and agreed to try harder. He did for a year but now its as bad as ever. I will NEVER be unfaithful again, but I am really starting to recall how lonely I felt at that time. Today we had a romantic picnic planned, but he decided he didnt want to go, had lunch with me and then played playstation the rest of the day and left me on my own. I feel guilty if I go out with my friends now, because I want him to know he can trust me again, so I am literally on my own all the time. And I do all the housework while he plays playstation. I am really getting to resent this. Am I justified in feeling this way? And how can I get him to see that I am lonely and just want us to spend time together.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 August 2015):
 Living in a situation wherein you have a "partner" who offers you no stimulation, whatsoever, is like hollowing yourself out with a pumpkin-carving kit, then being surprised that all that's left of you is a hollow pumpkin....
You deserve a better existence, with a better (read: more attentive) partner..... Now, GO OUT AND START THAT EXISTENCE....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (6 August 2015):
 Hon, stop waiting for him. He is content with his playstation. Stop doing his washing, cooking etc., Start dressing up and going out with your friends.
Don't stay home and wait for him to notice you, because he won't.
It does sound like you have outgrown this relationship. Time to make some major but very exciting changes??
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A
female
reader, Chaillee  +, writes (6 August 2015):
Gosh.. I have experienced this kind of situation before. I was staying with my boyfriend even i felt that he isn't into me already. He was preoccupied of his new career outside our country. I was lonely and confused and i also kissed a guy, i fell the love by another man. Now, i guess you just feel guilty because you know you cheated. I know that it was wrong but you should ask yourself this. Do you think you can kiss another guy if you are happy with this man? Are you still happy with the set up you are having? Ask your current boyfriend what is wrong if he plays playstation all the time to make you feel ignored or playing asshole so you would break up, I'm not really sure what he is thinking but i believe that every woman deserves to be happy, to be loved to taken cared of, you don't deserve this kind of treatment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 August 2015):
 I think the "kissing" you did a year ago was a wake up call more for YOU than him. Yes, he tried to be a decent but NOT for you, but to avoid conflict and to avoid you leaving.
Is he depressed? Is that why he is always on the play station? To escape reality? If so, then he is "escaping" YOU as well as life in general. Or has he just not.. grown a whole lot since you started to date?
I think you need to decide if you WANT to continue this. He WILL NOT change (maybe short term he will, but long term? no THIS is who he is).
Either GET yourself out of the house more often or end it and deal wit this dysfunctional relationship where HE is taking you for granted.
It sounds rather sad that you are giving up on LIVING your life... just so you don't have to rock the boat. You KEEP hoping things will change... they won't.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2015):
 A year of being ignored for playstation? Um yeah, you are justified.
As for how you can get him to see that you are lonely, well, you did that a year ago by the kissing another guy thing. He said he'd try harder, no? And you've given up going out and are the household servant?
I'd stop doing his share of the housework. Don't wash his clothes, make meals that you like, do only enough shopping to feed yourself.
Before starting this campaign though, I'd have another conversation with him about how you feel the relationship is suffering from neglect due to playstation. He does sound as though he has an addiction and may need outside intervention and a wake up call.
I would start going out with friends again, there's absolutely no reason for you to sit at home alone downstairs. Make plans every day for the next few weeks. Don't make dinner, clean up after yourself only and see what happens.
There was a famous 'day off' staged by Icelandic women. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2005/oct/18/gender.uk
He doesn't want to spend time with you or can't overcome his addiction.
It's time to stop sitting in the dark waiting for him. Go out with your friends, eat your meals out and let him fend for himself. It may be enough for him to get the help he needs. It may not. But at least you won't be sitting around alone seething.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2015): Perhaps the resentment will finally lead you to the reasonable conclusion that your relationship has run its course. You've seen all the signs of his disinterest; and he has basically kept you as a reliable roommate.
There's no justification for cheating; but you don't seem to get it. It didn't matter whether you cheated or not. He was done with you before that; but he let you stay just to keep up appearances, and it felt good watching you squirm and go out of your way to make it up to him. I'm sure he lapped it all up. Then went back to his lair to play video games like an adolescent. That's where his world is.
Stay and feel unloved, or end it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 August 2015):
 You outgrew him. You met him in your teens. While you matured and want a quality relationship, he remains a boy. Cheating is bad but it's also a sign that you want out. Being cheated on is a big blow to a guy but it should wake him up about what you need and is missing in your relationship. He acts so nonchalant about it and couldn't care less if you were gone from his life. He has a game addiction. His brain is used to being stimulated without much effort on his own. No dates would be as exciting as colourful pixels on the screen. You should treat his addiction the same way as alcohol, porn or drug abuse. Although it is not as life threatening as the other substance abuse, it causes just as much hurt and leave you feeling empty and unwanted.
Don't let him stop you from having friends. It's his problem when he doesn't give you any social value. You don't have to sink into loneliness just because of him. Addiction has no place in a relationship. Perhaps he has to learn it the hard way.
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