A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well basically he says that we are not communicating as much and he says that I have a nasty attitude or my jealousy but whenever we have an argument he like to always win and basically whenever I feel him distant or that something is wrong with him I ask what's wrong and why you acting like that and it basically bothers him that I ask him or something like that. I feel that he just doesn't want to listen to my stuff any more, he basically just tries to make himself look better. I don't understand why he got like that from all the sudden cuz we were doing pretty good to mu understandings and he was being nice and lovely evry now and then and it was just yesterday when he told me that he didnt feel the same way and that he was not sure if it was going to work or not . I was so surprised that i cant understand how someone can change like that from day to night. oh and something that bothers him is if i gain some weight and my belly gets a little inflated i weight 140 and he tells me that its not right to start going to the gym and that he loosed attraction can that be actually possible .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): Who is the "HIM"? Boyfriend? Husband? Family member? Friend?If he's your boyfriend then you can just tell him that you do not tolerate that kind of abusive behavior and you do not want to date him. You can walk off and have peace of mind. Or maybe you really do not know the guy, so before you were not aware of his changing behavior?? Maybe you two rushed things because he was sooo into you, maybe even too nice? Abusers tend to be extra nice at the beginning.For me it seems he has Manic Depressive/Bipolar disorder, and that's why he is not stable and changes from time to time. Or he is narcissist. Either way, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS MOOD CHANGES. You should read up about mental disorders and learn what they are and learn how it affects you. Because if you do stay with HIM you'll need to know how it affects you. You should also try to get help from couseling and visit a health prof. People who stay with "mentally" unstable people will become co-dependent and they depend on their partner's or friend's or family member's disorder. In the end you would need help, to return to healthy life. Also if you have kids then your kids have inherited his disorder, it is all in genes. And home environment influences upbringing, some children become co-dependent and some become abusers....Another thing to look at is that does he take any medications, does he smoke or drink alcohol-medications do not tolerate these sort of things. It would only make his behavior more severe. If he has any weapons then he should not have them. He night kill you or somebody else if he feels he doesn't like somebody. It's not possible to control his sickness. It stays for life, but medications and counseling can help a little bit. I suggest you read this article, it is written by a woman who has gone through something similar to your situation, now she works to help others, S.J. Elliott: http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/the-abusive-and-semi-abusive-relationship/
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