A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok please help I was very good friends with a guy then he started confiding in me he had problems with the girl he'd been with for 5 years saying she was manipulative and made his life hardStupidly I became close and we kissed a few times after which he backed away but kept playing stupid games like he still had feelings for me but couldn't express them ? Also kept saying things like j was kind of girl he liked reserved and hard to get so this kept me hooked to himI feel so silly u know from close friends the girl he's with does flirt with guys a lot and has been funny with him and now they've split but are waiting to sell the house Now he doesn't talk to me at all even though j asked him to reconsider the friendshipI feel so used why didnt he value me ?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 Pure and simple answer is; He's a jerk!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 You weren't friends with this guy! You are the mistress he had an emotional and partially physical affair he had on his wife/girlfriend (you didn't mention the nature of their relationship, but they own a house together, so being married is a possibility here).
You feel used because you WERE used. He may have had regrets about cheating on his wife/GF, which made him play the whole backing off game and all, but you should know never ever to get involved with a guy who has someone else. All the hardship/manipulation stories any married man/attached man tells are worthless. Actions are everything, and words are worthless. You shouldn't have touched him until the divorce was final, the breakup was final and they live in different places. THEY STILL LIVE TOGETHER! SHE is the woman he loves.
You aren't friends. You'll never be friends. You'll never have anything with him. You should move on and find a guy who doesn't have his heart owned by someone else AND who isn't a cheater!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 They are splitting, so this is a time he feels depressed while doing his best to go through the logistics of selling the house and moving on. He would not be in the mood to keep up the friendship. I doubt he sees you as a person who's not worth his time, but rather he does not have the energy to deal with you, or the imagination of what could develop in between you. You saw that you gave him your time and energy but he did not reciprocate. Maybe in time when he feels like himself again he would contact you. But I should let you know that the only thing you should expect is friendship. Once a man lets a woman friend see his weakness it is very unlikely that he would want you to become his girlfriend. He wants to make a good impression on girls he meets. He would not want to start off a relationship based on a memory of an old one failing. If he contacts you later then you are indeed his friend, not just some shoulder to cry on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 December 2013):
 Why didn't he value you?
Because the whole episode wasn't about you. Any woman willing to play his games would have been fine.
And you are fooling yourself if you think what you had was a "friendship".
Don't WASTE your time on people like him. They use people then discard them, now after he did that to you more then once, why would you want the "friendship" back on?
And last but not least, you are old enough to know that if a guy has a GF it doesn't MATTER how rotten the relationship is, you STAY out of it, you do NOT "kiss" a little and foll around, because in the end who gets hurt? YOU. (and possibly the GF).
I just don't understand why SO many women fall for the my GF is evil or my wife and I don't have sex no more... IF a guy is taken - he is OFF limits! Simple as that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): Some people just use other people during difficult times and I think this was the case. Think of yourself and let him get on with his muddled mess.He sounds a bit weak and you can do better.Sometimes being needed fills gaps in our own lives, if you feel you need to, tell him you feel hurt and let down then remove yourself and concentrate on enjoying life and your own situation not theirs .
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