A
female
age
30-35,
*liciouss
writes:i am a 19 year old college student. i have broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months (10 to be exact, we were official 6 months) in mid-november. he didnt tell me that hw was working with his ex-gf this whole time so i ended it with him. she was his first love, his first sexual partner, his longest relationship, the whole deal. he always went to her when we had problems and talked to her about them. he did tell me about her and that she was a 'friend' helping him look for a job. he never mentioned it was his ex. so basically i was so stressed out at the time from midterms and family problems and angry that i didnt really let him explain and broke it up with him. he never cheated, or at least i suppose.i was devastated for weeks and when we hung out 2 weeks later after the broke up, i realized i couldnt let him go and neither did he. he wanted to work it and i was willing to give it a try. but he didnt do much and i kind of forced him to give me an answer "what are the chances of us getting back together? so i dont waste my time." this time it was me wanting to work it out more than he did. he told me one day that he said "i dont think so, its not the right time" i was so sad that he was the one who wanted to work it out first. i deeply loved (and still love) this man. so i stopped talking to him. and a week later, it was his bday and then new years. i wished him a new year and happy bday and that was the extent of our conversations. he would say "thank you, i love you" and he is the kinda guy that never says it unless he really means it. so i was confused which made me more emotional than i should be. then i told myself i will give him a break because he was stressed from finals as well. 2 weeks without talking and one day i decided to call him to see what's up. he said he's been hanging out with his girlfriend.....and i was so shocked, obviously. because i was gonna wait for him since he said it wasnt the right time. I WAS GONNA WAIT FOR HIM.. something i would never do for a guy because i am independent and so many fishes out in the sea. so i had two questions for him. 1. what is her name? 2. when did it start? he didnt wanna tell me anything besides the fact that i dont know her 'personally' and i asked if it started before new years and he said yes. and that was f*cked up because he told me he loved me on new years. and i told him that and he said well i love bob, i love bill(fake names), i love my iguana which are his best friends and his pet. and i asked him if his new girl is his ex-gf. he never answered.. i was bawling that whole night. but that i was the last time i was gonna cry. i let 4 hours of tears come out. i felt so retarded for waiting. so stupid because he was the one that took 4 months and persistence to try to pursue me when i had others do it too. i fianlly chose him. now im being persistence and it wasnt worth even a penny. being mature that i am, i texted him one last text: "you dont have to answer, i already know who it is. i hope she makes you happy. as long as you are happy, i am happy. thanks for making me stronger. goodluck"he nevered answered and i never talked to him since. i never cried since after that 4 horrible hours. and i moved on. i had my rebound, i went on numerous dates. i dont want committment anymore. that was how i use to be, until i met him. now that it is over, im back to my old self. being young and having fun again. i changed completely for this guy. i pulled a complete 180. i went from miss social butterfly, flirty, party animal to this girl next door just to hang out with him. he told me i was the best girlfriend that he ever had and he always put me before his homies, which i realized i never did for him. so in a way, we both sacrificed things for each other.but no matter what he was my first true love. so occasionally i would think of him. just yesterday was when i saw him again at my friends party which i never thought he'd be there because he went with his friend which i met him through. so i hugged him and greeted him like i would do with others. nothing awkward. we talked a little about the usual, how you been kinda thing. i started drinking a lot and then i was buzzing it. i went outside, where he was with a friend, to get some fresh air. i asked him how was everything and he said good. and i had asked "how are you and your new girlfriend doing?" he said it was going really well. i was buzzing it so i couldnt see his face reaction at all.so i left the party early to go to my other friends bday party. i hugged him goodbye and i guess i was drunk so i was gonna hug him goodbye again but my friend stopped me. so when i was back at my dorm, he texted me "are you alright?" remember that we havent talked for a month. i said i was ok. and somehow he said something and i said "as long as you are happy, i'm happy and that all that matters" so the next day i woke up, and yes i do rememeber everything from the night before. i texted him back because i fell asleep on him. and i also asked "did you throw away everything i ever made for you or given you?" and he said no. and i told him he should. he said why? i told him what if his new gf finds out and sees it. it would look bad. and he said "i think seeing you is bad too" i was heartbroken, even if we are just friends. so since he saw me last night, that was bad? i thought, "why are you gonna check up on me and care when you f*cked me over?? keep everything i made for you and try to f*ck with my mind. and they say we shouldnt see or talk to me anymore." i told him that, if he wanted i wouldnt associate anything with him anymore since he said that and for me to not talk to him since it worked out for that month already. he said "haha relax" and that was the last of what he said.i dont know what the heck is going on in his head. and now that i heard all this from him again, i am thinking about it again! which i dont want to at all.What do you think of my situation?And yes, i heard the typical "get over him, hes a jerk." or "he still really loves you" or "hes just pissed you broke up with him" or "find someone new"but honestly, i was a deep answer that can help me through this. i need someone that can understand me.
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a break, best friend, broke up, drunk, flirt, heartbroken, his ex, I love you, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kushaxxx  +, writes (1 February 2009):
i think in a way i can sort of relateexcept my ex broke up with em because his parents didn't want us together.but he treated me exactly the sameone second saying he didn't miss me and didn't want to see or talk to meand the next he says he loves me and is checking if i'm alright n stuff, it confuses the hell outta mebut i found out he still loves me very muchhe's just scared and doesn't know what he wants yeti think the your ex just need's to grow up a bit first and figure out what it is he really wantsand how he really feels about you
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