A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf dumped me a few days back and even though we hadn't been together for too long I had invested a lot into the relationship just to see him happy.He was a bad conversationalist,selfish, arrogant and I think he has cheated on me too.He returned from Europe two days before the breakup.He was there for two months and kept telling me he's missing me.I was sick and still cooked and cleaned and rearranged the house for his confort.I could barely stand and I was dismantling my old beds and assembling a new bed all by myself!He came back..and even though I kept telling him to sleep off his jetlag....initiated things and I was swept away by the attention, I consented.The next morning he told me he planned on returning to Europe for work purposes in 2008.He left the decision in my hands and left for work.I spoke to some friends and they told me that my decision to take one day at a time was right.'Who knows what will happen in 6-8 months?' they said.They also said that this might be a case of a holiday hangover when he is feeling down being back to work and all after such a wonderful time. Anyway I decided not to jump and break-up 'cos his plans had changed.I was ready to work things out and see what could be done.I had invited a close friend for dinner that evening.But had to cancel when my bf rang and invited himself for dinner.He stayed over and broke up with me the next morning because we 'are too different and have different ambitions'!We have a lot in common but still do have quite a few differences-but when we started seeing each other he had told me that he likes to have differences since it spices things up-‘otherwise it’s too boring’ he had told me.Before his new 'plans' our ambitions were aligned...and he had not even given me a day to assess my course of action-whether to go with him or what other options I had.He even brought gifts for me when he returned-apparently I was the only one he got anything for.And then he breaks up without even asking for my opinion.All my friends have told me so many times that I have sold myself short with him.Without being arrogant, I can tell you he was bloody lucky to have me.Even his friends told him that.But he never complimented me....always criticised my work - 'should have ironed along the other crease'...etc.But I persevered because it didn't matter what he looked like....what he did...I would find something to make myself happy...and I was happy to just be with him.I have planned inadvertantly round him for the next two months.And now I have nothing to look forward to...so empty!What I am angry at is that he treated me like rubbish when he chased me to asked me out!While he was in Europe I did not pester him-he was on global roaming and I didn't want to add to his expenses.Besides he was on a holiday and I was busy and I thought the distance would really make the heart fonder.I was esctatic to see that he kept telling me he missed me and this spurred me on to look forward to when he came back.Even though he sent me some rather odd pictures from a pub from his facebook - pictures with 2 girls of questionable reputation.They were all drunk and I was livid to see the pics.I forwarded them to a friend and she was shocked too.I had two questions:'If this is his standard what am I doing with him?' and 'How could you send these pics to your gf? Why wouldn't you edit them out before sending the link? How would he feel if I did that?'.I did not respond for a while.He rang me and I did not confront him at all.When he mentioned the pics, I referred to them as 'interesting'.He said he had met the two girls and they had a 'great' time but they were not travelling with him.I said 'Great time huh?' and even before I could finish my sentence he rushed in to say 'not that kind of a great time'.Even though my intuition said that he was guilty I made the excuse that he was just reassuring his gf. Maybe that's what the gifts were for-my friends tell me he must have slipped up and hence trying to hide his guilt with presents.What do you think?While he was breaking up with me he said he did indeed miss me while in Europe and he was definitely attracted to me and liked hanging out with me, but he didn't 'crave' to be with me.He was happy to see me when I went to receive him but he would have been happy to see his mum or a friend.This has come as such a shock to me that I cannot snap out of the feeling of being abandoned.It feels like a slap on my face.He had invited me to attend his friend's wedding in Fiji...I had invited him to my work x'mas party...and there were so many things I was looking forward to - and now there's nothing.My work's not going well at all......parents are splitting up...this was the only thing spurring me onto face the world with energy and optimism.Now I feel I have nothing...I am so restless that it's killing me.When he was breaking up he mentioned several times that he still wanted us to be friends but I nipped that in the bud....told him it would be odd since we didn't start off as friends.Besides what if he meets someone.'I am not getting into a relationship before going to Europe'.I told him lightening can strike anytime and he said that it might be the other way round and I might meet someone.I am right with my decision not to remain friends right?He sms'd me later in the day-the day he dumped me.He said: 'Hey how are you?I am feeling so bad for everything.Are you ok?'I did not reply till the morning after when I was going through a bad panic attack:'I feel bad too - it's your decision and loss.I have nothing more to say.I have invested way too much just to see you happy and this is not fair or just'It was a release but gave me temporary relief.I don't know why but I want him back so desperately it hurts.I have not contacted him but I really want to.We had agreed to have a think about his decision and I want to find out whether he has changed his mind.I feel sad to be so desperate but the lonliness is palpable.My friends have been great but I am tired of talking about this anymore.I have joined a meditation group.But in the meantime it is getting really tough.I feel so exhausted I can hardly breath.I was looking forward to spending this weekend-the first weekend after his return-with him.And yesterday was a very dark day...and today..I don't know how I will survive.He has to move to a new place and I know he's busy and I am using this excuse to give myself some relief.But surely he will contact me..right?Otherwise the feeling that he played me for his own pleasure will be stronger and it will take me ages to regain confidence.Help please….!
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ambition, broke up, cheated on me, confidence, drunk, facebook, his ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): I did....when he came back from Europe!I wanted him to sleep off his jetlag...but when he insisted, I complied. I was going through my girly thing and so couldn't have sex but I did give him oral and he was very happy. Later in the night he initiated things again and I complied.
See this is what hurts....I gave him everything he wanted and more....and then he breaks up with me?
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