A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I'm sorry for the long post in advance, but i really need some help/advice. I'm 17 years old, turning 18 in 6 months and I would say i'm an average teenager as i've faced problems in my life, just like everybody else. I've been a little on the heavy side all my life, I was bullied because of my weight from the age of 8/9 up until the age of 14. The bullying was not severe, but it did effect me and it became more subtle as I grew older. When i reached 15 the bullying stopped as I started losing the weight.. I am still a little on the heavy side but it doesn't look as bad anymore as i've grown and i'm quite tall for my age.In summer 2008, my brother and I found out that my dad was cheating. Obviously it was a shock to both of us, my brother is now turning 20, at the time he was 18. We confronted my dad and things didn't get resolved, turns out my mum knew about it because he had been having an affair for three years. He still stayed in the house because my parents had been married for 30 years and my mum didnt want to break the family apart, however fights started occuring more often and things didnt work out so he decided to move out. Currently, my parents are filing for a divorce, it's been in the process since May 2009 and will soon be finalised shortly.At the time the divorce was fresh, i was having a lot of difficulty handling the situation, there was also this guy i was seeing, we weren't going out so it wasnt official but he was talking about making it official.. we just wanted to see how things were before we did jump into a relationship. We were seeing each other for around 2 months, at first i couldnt trust him, because i had trust issues and i still do (due to my dad having an affair - makes me feel as though any guy could do that if my own father can). After the 2 months of being with the guy, i was happy, and learned to trust him but he broke it in an instant because I found out that he had a girlfriend the whole time he was with me, and i was only there for him to come to when him and his girlfriend had an argument and things were rough. I obviously didn't know about his girlfriend, luckily i didnt do anything sexual with him, however he was the first guy i was with so it hurt like hell, i had also opened up to him about my family and the divorce, so for him to know that and still do what he did made me feel as though there are so many people out there who don't actually care about other peoples feelings as long as they dont get hurt in the long run. It did take me a while to get over him, but I got there in the end.I have always been an emotional person when i'm alone, but I come across as a strong person who doesnt let things bother me, all my friends think that i'm a really happy, crazy person thats always smiling and laughing and having fun. The truth is, I find it easier to be happy and fun when i'm out so that my personal issues don't bother me. I have quite a lot of friends but only two 'true' friends - by true I mean, they know everything about me, how I feel, always there for me etc.. However, we hardly talk anymore, the reason for this is because one is a guy and one is a girl, and 18 months ago, they started developing feelings for each other and they have been in a relationship ever since. Before they were a couple, us three were best friends, now it feels like i'm a third wheel and so we don't go out as much, or talk to each other as much as we used to. I have spoken to them about how I feel a few times, but nothing has changed and they still stick together at all times so i've given up as they are never there for me anymore and yet I am always there for them whenever they're going through something and I'm tired of feeling alone.At times I feel like it'd be really nice to just have someone that likes me for me, and has no intention to hurt me and is just there for me. I know that during your teenage years you feel like having a boyfriend and it is true, because at times i feel like that as well seeing as i've never had one (the guy i was seeing in may 2009 doesn't really count as we werent official so i couldnt be totally open with him and class him as "mine"). However, sometimes I feel like i'm not ready to be with anyone just yet because of all the issues im dealing with and the insecurities i have. I don't really have anyone to turn to which is why im asking for help on the website. I go through days where i'm fine but then everything overwhelmes me and i breakdown crying, but nobody knows. I dont tell my mum that the divorce upsets me because she is going through a very hard time at the moment and i'm trying to stay strong for her, i really do not want her to worry about me. I cant tell my brother because he lives on campus in Uni and he hates talking about my parents because it does bother him and he isnt the type of person to open up to people. My mum did suggest that i go counceling to help me let things out because i don't open up to anyone, but i dont feel comfortable talking about my feelings to people face to face/on the phone/etc.. however, i am thinking of going to see if it does help me.But for the time being, I really need some overall advice because I dont think there really is anyone else I can turn to, and nobody knows that i feel like this as this is the first time i've said all this.Thank you.
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affair, best friend, bullied, divorce Reply to this Question
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (18 January 2010):
 Hello had to send this again i hit add before i was done
Well im sorry to hear your going through such a rough time.We all face difficulties in life but hope can get you through, in time things will improve,though it may seem like thiings havnt been going well for so long its really hasnt been you will have many pleasnt years in the future.just hang in there.
Regarding BFs i would suggest not becoming involved at your age and while your going through this emotional situation, feeling vulnerable and alone can cloud your judgement when choosing a guy. I think you would be better served by taking time out for your self do things you want to do for you.
Let me tell you something about the divorce you may be holding a grudge or resentment against your father what hes done but thats not your fight your going to have to let that go or it will be a heavy burden for you to carry. It wont be easy im not even saying forgive but atleast move on. hes still your father he got you this far in life, and no one is perfect everyone falls short somewhere.
Study hard i feel you should really get into your studies instead of focusing on boys and all your family issues,your 17 you have along way to go the next few years can be really important for you, you need to be deciding what kind of career you want and where you will go to UNI, theres mutch on your plate at this point in your life you cant be carrying around other peoples burdens.
Life will improve you may or may not find that special guy but But maybe theres something to faith after all, all things are Possible through God
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (18 January 2010):
Well im sorry to hear your going through such a rough time.We all face difficulties in life but hope can get you through, in time things will improve,though it may seem like thiings havnt been going well for so long its really hasnt been you will have many pleasnt years in the future.just hang in there.
Regarding BFs i would suggest not becoming involved at your age and while your going through this emotional situation, feeling vulnerable and alone can cloud your judgement when choosing a guy. I think you would be better served by taking time out for your self do things you want to do for you.
Let me tell you something about the divorce you may be holding a grudge or resentment against your father what hes done but thats not your fight your going to have to let that go or it will be a heavy burden for you to carry. It wont be easy im not even saying forgive but atleast move on. hes still your father he got you this far in life, and no one is perfect everyone falls short somewhere.
Study hard i feel you should really get into your studies instead of focusing on boys and all your family issues,your 17 you have along way to go the next few years can be really important for you, you need to be deciding what kind of carrer you want and where you will go to UNI, theres mutch on your plate at this point in your life you cant be carrying around other peoples burdens.
Life will improve you may or may not find that special guy
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