A
female
age
30-35,
*ngel.e.mck
writes:My husband and I habe been married for 2.5 yrs and were both 22. He just got deployed a month ago but all of this started happening well before he got deployed. Id say for the past yr that weve moved back to his home state its felt like he pushes me away and hes very distant. Were too young not be still deep in love. When hes around his family or friends hes so happy and talkative with them but even when hed go to training he would come back and not be as excited as anyone else. . For the last id say 6 months weve really habent had that big of a sex life. He would tell me hes either tired or he doesnt feel like it or he would say his sex drive just isnt the same anymore. Ive found pof on his history for 2 days in a row but all the rest of the history was gone and he said they made a joke on a guy in their platoon and made him an acct. And right after he left i went on his fb activity log and most of it was deleted but there was 2 days worth of him searching for certain girls . I also found a girl on my block list but shes friends with him and i domt even know ber and she has me blocked also , shes on my husbands favorite chat heads on fb but theres no messages . When i asked about all the stuff i found he got really deffensive at first and then he told me i was crazy. Then it changed to i mustve done it when i was deunk. When he was home he wouldnt cuddle with me because he was always too hot , he would just stay on his phone. Id tag him in pics of us with words of encouragement the day he left and he couldnt even like it but he will share a memory on fb of his friends. But he tells me hes not a big fb person. I feel like my hearts being ripped out of my chest and im heading towarxs a divorce, i cant cry in front of him anymore because he tells me im just doing it for attention. Now everyday i drive home from work and break down. Im tired of being an emotional wreck and if this is unfixable then i dont want to being left hanging.i love this man , please help!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 March 2017):
 It sounds to me like your husband has giving up on your marriage. Sweetie you both married very young, way to young to make such a life long commitment. You need to both get help. Ask him to attend a therapist with you or else the marriage is over. It is not fair on you to live like this. You have both lost the communication and I think you both need help to bring it back before you end up divorced.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): Omd it's so sad for me to read this because I have been in the exact same situation, like the Exact same! And I tried like you for so long until I just broke myself. But just under a year ago I pucked up the courage and left and even tho it's the hardest thing I've ever done I look back and I am sooooo glad I did it. I can look back clearly now and see what an emotional rut I was in.
I'm not telling you to leave as you decide your future. But you can't carry on the way it is it'll destroy you as a person and you deserve so much better. You really do
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): If I were you and found out what you have, I would be leaving my husband until he could explain it properly. Currently it's all just too suspicious and sounds highly like he has cheated, or at least laying the foundations to cheat with someone. By all means my husband can have female friends, I have male friends, but where it would cross a line also is where messages are dailt and frequent - when someone is in a relationship you don't need to be messaging people of the opposite sex frequently because that's where lines blur. So even if your husband went down the whole "I was only messaging people" rubbish then 1)why delete them all unless there is something to hide 2) why start messaging other women anyway - he's married for goodness sake 3) An unknown woman on his top chat is clearly there because they message frequently - that's how that works and for you not to know her but she is blocked seems like he has accessed your Facebook to block her, to prevent this other woman from even attempting to contact you and warn you/tell you. The whole situation just doesn't seem right so I would definitely be saying "I'm out of here".Cheating is disgusting and cowardly, if he isn't happy in the marriage then talk about it because the answer doesn't sit with other women. But you're both so young perhaps he's just not mature enough to be in such a serious relationship and be married. I met my husband at 17, we lived together from 18 and married at 23. Every relationship goes through phases and has its highs and lows but it takes 2 people to be mature enough to talk about things and work through them. While you seem focused it sounds like your husband isn't. Maybe you leaving would kick him up the butt enough to realise he will lose you, counselling would be worthwhile. He might be struggling with the reality of military life and so chatting with other women was some sort of distraction or way to make him feel better about himself. Whatever it is, you need to make a decision about what you want and then you need to let you husband know. Best of luck, and if there is any reason at all you don't think your husband would react rationally or you could be in a volatile situation then I suggest having a close friend or parent or sibling with you, or waiting for you nearby should you be deciding to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): The Facebook activity and deletions may be evidence of his seeking contact with women on the side. Being distant and showing no interest in sex at 22? Well, that justifies your concerns.
Telling you you're crazy and playing-down your suspicions in spite of the evidence against him shows not only his disrespect; but a total disregard for your feelings. A loving-husband reassures his wife; especially when he knows he has to be deployed, and you will be apart.
I would recommend couple's therapy upon his return. The military offers family counseling; and you can also get counseling for yourself during his deployment.
You have to gather your strength. You have a decision to make. The fact you've written a post is an indication you've already come to terms; and I think you're considering a divorce.
Counseling can't make you love each other; however, it will help you make a decision, perhaps brings a few things to light. Expressing your feelings to a person who plays you off is at least one benefit of the marriage-counseling. Having a moderator puts him on the spot, and gives each of the couple their say. If you anticipate he'll refuse; just consult with a divorce-lawyer prior to scheduling the counseling-session, for peace of mind.
Sometimes counseling brings you closure and alleviates second-guessing the decision for divorce. You'll have the personal-satisfaction of knowing you did all you could.
See your doctor to keep an eye on your health. You must avoid stress and depression.
Stay strong!
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