A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know who to ask or what to do. I am a married mother of one gorgeous 5 month old and I have a best friend named Katie that I've known for 10+ years. Before Katie and George split, I offered to let Katie move in with me for a while, if she ever actually decided to leave George. The deal was she could move in with me for a week or two while I helped her find a job and an apartment in the area.Well, I'm pretty sure you're aware, she left george right around Valentines day, and hopped into a relationship with her ex, John. She then hopped out of that relationship and got engaged to a guy named Brian. I can't really judge the quick movement too much, because I got engaged to my husband a month after we started dating...Anyways, Katie decided she wanted to move here, and I was fine with that.... but she wants to bring her fiance that she has known for less than 2 months and a ton of her pets! I know nothing about this man, other than he sits in the background for the 10 minutes at a time that I might be on the phone with katie, and bitches about how she talks to me too much... Oh, and that contrary to what Katie promised me, he does, in fact drink and smoke pot... I've heard them ramble about it on the phone multiple times (and as recently as a couple days ago, AFTER Katie found out she was pregnant.)I don't know what to do. I'd really like to help Katie out, but I absolutely do not feel comfortable letting a man that I know nothing about move into my house, especially when I've got a daughter to look out for. I also don't feel comfortable with having her bring her cat, guinea pigs, rats, etc... to live in my guest bedroom. I already have 3 animals of my own to worry about. I've tried to tell her this, and she just says "you have to trust my judgement. I'd trust yours." Trusting her judgement in this case just isn't enough!When I offered my guest bedroom for her to stay in, it was not an open invitation for her, any man she happened to meet between leaving george and moving here, and her entire zoo!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Oh, please please do NOT allow your friend and her fiance anywhere near your guest bedroom. Stick to the original terms - a week or two for your friend only to stay, IF she broke up with George. That offer has now expired, and you need to be very strong and stand up for yourself, your marriage and your daughter. Under NO circumstances allow this unknown into your home. Whilst you may trust your friend's judgement, in this case she is WAY OFF. He is using illicit drugs around a pregnant woman. Let your friend know that this behaviour increases the risk of her baby growing slowly and having a low birth weight, not to mention and increased risk of sudden infant death sydrome. By all means, offer your emotional support to your friend, but in this case she needs to clean up her own mess. I would defend my daugher to the death if I had to, and would certainly put her before any friendship, even the best.
The new fiance sounds like a loser and a creep, there is no way in a million years I would let him anywhere near my home and daughter.
Good luck to you, and be strong!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): You have a good heart and you should be proud of that.
You just need to be clear on your priorities. Yes, you'd like to help your friend, but the health and safety of your daughter comes first, and you should defend that with the ferocity of a mother bear.
Do not let this freeloader steam roll you into a bad situation. She's the one who made her own decisions, and it's not your responsibility to bail her out. She's a grown woman, and she needs to find her own place to live.
Approaching her about this will be difficult, but you need to keep telling yourself that your daughter comes first. Period.
If you need to, enlist a trusted friend to help you break the news. Be very clear and set a deadline for moving out.
If you feel you need to, check with your local police or sheriff's dept. to find out what legal options you may have.
Best of luck to you and be strong for your daughter!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 March 2010):
 You have every right to keep illegal substances out of your house. This is not part your original deal with her. It his her fiance's responsibility to put a roof over her head. If he is unable to do that she should reconsider her commitment to him.
FA
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Give an inch and she wants a foot. She is taking advantage of your gentle and soft stand.
You need to put your foot down because you are inviting troubles into your home. Let her get help from another source.
If she cannot accept your terms, take back your offer.
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