A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I seem to be having a problem and I would like to get some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. I can honestly say I'm really in love with him and care a whole lot about him. This is what my problem is, I think he loved his ex girlfriend more than me and had a better relationship with her. He is still on good terms with her and they still talk sometimes. This girl was his first love, and first everything. They were in a relationship for almost 3 years until she broke up with him which was a year and a half ago.The thing is, she broke up with him and he tried to get her back for months, but she was confused and just didn't know what she wanted at the time so they did not end up getting back together, but he was still in love with her for a long time. Naturally me and him have talked about our past relationships and when he talks about this ex, he gets happy and smiles a lot and even gets a little excited. There is also some personal stuff he has told me about her and their relationship that also makes me feel this way. He does say he does not have feelings for her anymore and him and I do have a great relationship, but I just feel like I'm the 2nd best girlriend that's been in his life. I feel like he was happier with her and that their relationship was better. I get insecure knowing that he stills speaks with her and I wonder what they talk about and if they ever miss each other. What do you think about this? Thanks for your advice
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (12 March 2014):
 So if I understand the timeline correctly he was with her for three years... was single for seven months, "several" of which he spent trying to get her back, then began dating you?
I know this is not what you will want to hear, and I'm sorry... but if he only spent four or five months (or less) actually resigned to the end of their three-year relationship and trying to get closure/heal as opposed to winning his ex back, it's possible he began dating you as a rebound. It just seems rather implausible to me that he could be "over" a three-year commitment and what sounds like a messy and painful breakup in so short a time.
If that's the case then he entered into a relationship with you while still harboring unresolved feelings for his ex, and as he continues to maintain contact with her those feelings continue to surface.
I think you would not be out of line to ask him (calmly and respectfully) that he distance himself from her a little. You are now his primary partner and as the relationship progresses your feelings should be respected first. If his companionship was that valuable to her, she wouldn't have ended things knowing it might ruin all chances of a future friendship; the one doing the "hanging on" here is him.
Good luck and best wishes.
A
female
reader, TaneshaXD  +, writes (12 March 2014):
He was with her for 3 years, of course he will care about her, he always will! You won't change that. If you feel that he was happier in his previous relationship , and according to his reactions when his ex is mentioned I believe he still has not yet gotten over her. I think you should just continue with your relationship how is it. And if you are worrying why don't you speak to his ex? Even if he still has feelings for her he doesn't have to get back with her, I saw MANY relationships where the guy has stayed with his second girlfriend, but again this was usually the case of the first girlfriend being a bad girlfriend. I think you should keep your guard up and observe what will happen in the following days, if you feel like he likes her more than you than you need to discuss that with him.
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