A
male
age
36-40,
*ishbait1186
writes:i need some serious help ive been through some crazy relation ships b 4 but i have been ready for something real for a really long time im sick of wasting my time and life on dead end relationships but recently ive meet the most amazing girl ever and honestly i know i deserve better but she is the one i really want to be with she is the only one that has actually made me truly happy and is the one i want to spend my life with and that's definite. She is something very special to me and she says she feels the same way. she has a kid with another man and supposedly is her first love but always treats her like shit and never is there for her or there kid. she always talks about how bad it always was and how bad she hates him but recently she has told me i am the most amazing man she has ever meet and i am all she has ever wanted and i do feel the same but she is going through a lot and has a lot going on in her life and as supportive as i am and im always there for her but she ended up back with him i know it might be the logical choice for her at this time and seems like the right thing to do for her son i can probably accept that part but it is soo hard to wake up every morning and go to bed every night with out her this is really driving me crazy im going nuts and don't know what to do with myself i try to move on and give it another go with other girls but i just cant seem to get her out of my head i don't know what to do she is all up in my head and this is not like me but i don't know how to fix this im overwhelmed and get anxiety all the time all day long when i think of her and her with him and why she is not here and where i went wrong and what i should have done to make it better or something im missing i don't know what to do i need help please what do i do im beating the hell out of myself for it and don't have anyone to turn to i kept so much bottled up inside me all the time im going to explode and no one knows it what do i do who do i talk to i just want to make things better and be happy once again i just don't know what to do anymore who do i turn to and who do i talk to i need help. please help me get stuff off my chest and help me understand why I am feeling and reacting the way I am. I wish I had someone to talk to please respond... :( I feel soo lonely and sad at losing her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): I have friends who tried to leave their ex's but because of kids, went back or stayed in really toxic marriages or relationships.it can certainly be done, and people think it's the right thing to do or are scared to risk anything else in case it's is the wrong thing. but it's a awful way to live. The person who chose to stay, usually becomes very depressed and miserable. after several years , bad things happen. They have an affair maybe, because they are so miserable and they never loved their partner so what's to stop them falling in love with someone else if they find comfort in someone they meet (like at work is a common way to meet new people). Their lives get even more messed up.It's better to not even start down this road of going back to or staying with someone you don't love but just because you have kids. Whoever you are with, should be the one you love. If you don't love the one you're with, it's only a matter of time before you fall for someone else and have an affair and really wreck lives, or give up or prevent an affair and be bitter about missed opportunities. You love her, she loves you. She's going back to the baby daddy even though she hates him or they have some love/hate relationship (they did make a kid together after all, it can't be all hate). Love/hate relationships are extremely stressful and exhausting to sustain over the long term. If a relationship was all "hate" it'd be easier or clear cut to leave and not look back so people do. If it was all or mostly love, obviously it's enjoyable to stay so people do. When it's love/hate that's the worst and most confusing and messed up kind of relationship. she will be exhausted and her spirit will get broken eventually. If you love her, fight for her, help stop her from making horrible life choices. she's not in a healthy place now if she's thinking of getting back with someone she hates. Promise her a better life than what she will have with the baby daddy and if she comes back to you make all your promises come true. If you give up and walk away she may think "I loved him but obviously he didn't love me since he left, so I made the right choice to stay with the baby daddy."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): Have another talk or series of talks with her. You need to be the calm rational one here. (and please use some punctuation, it's hard to follow a post that is one extremely long sentence.)She has told you she shares your feelings. Yet she's now back with the father of her child.she owes you an explanation for why, since she told you she loves you it's not fair for her to be yanking you around. Based on her reasons for getting back with him, you can try to persuade her to leave him. Make a list with her of why he's not good for her, why she hates him, and why being with him is going to hurt her. If it's for her son, show her articles on the web about the effects on kids when their parents are only staying together for them but have a bad relationship with each other.make another list of the positives that will come from leaving him and being with you. If she's concerned about how it will work out for her son, point out that many other couples separate or divorce when they have kids and manage to make it work.offer to take her to a family counselor that can maybe advise her on options for how to raise her kid if she's not with the kid's father.knowledge is power. maybe all she knows is people have kids, they stay together.if she is very firm in staying with him, then this is when you need to let go and walk away from her.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (5 February 2011):
You are heartbroken. What is understandable for what you are going through right now. You love that girl but she dumped you, and went with the bad guy. This always happens and is a sign that this girl is not good for you. Move on, start seeing other people. There is always hope.
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